No Regrets

They say a life without regrets is a life half lived. But when the regret starts to take over, you might want to take a look at how it is affecting your life.

Talk to any group of women and you will find many regrets among them, including disappointment at career choices, past relationships or regrets involving their children.

But is this tendency to beat ourselves up about things really healthy? Can we learn from trying to better our future rather then living in the past?

We talk to Life Coach Louise Nevin, based at Oscailt Integrative Health and Therapy Centre, Dublin, whose job is to help people create an action plan, so they can achieve success on their own terms.

“Anything from relationship, health, career, financial and parenting regrets can dominate our daily thoughts and drain us of energy,” says Louise.  

“Worrying and thinking about the past is a common issue for women who can lack self-confidence in their abilities, which can lead to self-doubt, anxiety and fear of failure.”

And while you might think you’re the only one – you can’t throw a shoe in celeb-ville without hitting a celebrity who wishes they had done things different.

Even legend and singer Cher, 64, who had her first child Chastity at 23, has regrets about how she raised her children.

“I have a lot of regrets about my parenting. Maybe I should have had children when I was older,” says Cher.

“I have been a good mother in fits and starts. But when you do work like mine, and I’m like most working mothers – they never feel like they’re doing a good job because they’re never able to devote enough time.”

Similarly, Sex in the City’s Sarah Jessica Parker has regrets regarding her recent children’s birth and recently spoke of how work interferes with her new family life.

“It’s been amazing but complicated because of my current work schedule, which I have enormous regrets about.”

Louise advises that focusing only on what you could have, should have and would have done ensures you stay stuck in the past and possibly miss out on future opportunities. 

“Do you want to re-live sadness, annoyance, embarrassment, shame and guilt over and over again?” asks Louise.

“Instead, focus your thoughts on what you can do to improve on past decisions, learn from your mistakes and move on.” 

“I encourage clients to step outside their comfort zone and change those habits that are having a negative impact on their lives.”

So how can we do this?

“Developing creative ways of dealing with new challenges,” says Louise.

“Every day I speak to people about what holds them back from achieving the success they want and deserve and the reason I hear most often is, fear,” says Louise.

“Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of hearing no and, yes, even fear of success!  “Focus on reaching the life and career success and happiness you deserve – not on your fear of failure.”

And as the saying goes, it’s better to regret something you have done then something you haven’t.

“It can be difficult to appreciate the good things in life such as a supportive family, good health and a cosy home when you’re full of regret,” says Louise. 

“To achieve success in life and career you must learn from your past, but not dwell on it. Take note of any negative patterns in your behaviour that could be tweaked and move forward with the new knowledge you have gained.”

And Louise has some tips to effectively dealing with your regret. 

“Keep a journal and express how you feel about the regret. This is a good habit to develop to help solve your worry issues.

“Make a list of all possible outcomes of a decision you are about to make. Write down all the pros and cons and prioritise in order of most important.
“Create your life and career vision. Identify your values, develop your short and long term goals, establish what matters most to you, what brings you joy in life and create an action plan to work towards making this vision a reality.

“When we honour our values life is good but working against our life vision can cause worry and regret!”

Interview with JLS

From Left to Right: JB, Aston, Oritse and Marvin

I wasn’t even a fan of JLS before I went to interview them, but I am definitely a fan now so I thought I would write up about the most fun interview I have ever done! I will probably put the real feature up in a week or two after its been in the magazine but this is just a blog style thing for me and my blog followers!
The day didn’t start good. I have a Tom Tom which is usually great but it doesn’t know where I wanna be today so I look the Sony place on Google maps. Google maps, can I just say here, is the bain of my life. This is the third or fourth time they’ve sent me to completely the wrong place. One time I knocked on the door of a house which it said was a clinic. It was just someones house, like. Anyway so I put the name of the road into the Tom Tom and off I go. So it tells me I’m at my location with a big black and white flag, like I’ve won a race. Only, I haven’t won a race. Because I’m not there Mr well meaning tom tom - you were lead astray by that renegade Google maps again. Anyway park my car grab some change and run over to the parking meter. Realise I only have 20 mins to find the place and I can’t see it yet so the stage I’m at now is mild concern mixed with optimistic time-keeping (read: chronic lateness),which I was born with and has followed me everywhere ever since. Go up and down this massive long road and can’t see it. Mild concern has turned to mild panic. Ring Sony. Receptionist doesn’t have a clue where I am so puts me onto some guy who does panic all the while rising. Tells me I’m on the wrong street and tries to explain where it is but its no use if I start trying to move my car and find it and find another parking spot I’ll never get there. Hail a taxi who stops suddenly nearly causing an accident. Open the door and ask him to wait for me to run get money from the AIB across the road. Run over, get money out and run back to taxi who fair play to him is causing terrible ructions and hold up from several drivers. He refuses to move though cos he’s a taxi driver in a recession which is like being one of those lady’s of the night in the time when Jack the Ripper roamed the streets. Basically they’d probably try and jump a gorge in the car if you were paying the full fare. They might even stop if you hailed them outside a bank wearing a balaclava.
Hop in the front. My taxi driver is laid back as he wonders where this Embassy House place is. I try to avoid sufricating falling feeling as I tell him to take me to the Herbert Park hotel which is beside it. “Now I’d know a lil
soy-id entrance to that place down a lil’ soy-id streee?” – “If you could take me to the front entrance that would be good,” I reply realising I am interviewing JLS in ten minutes. I am usually very nice to taxi drivers but can’t, really can’t muster the laid back banter I usually have with them and feel awful for this but so stressed as was told to be there early by newspaper to be on the safe side. Turns out my taxi driver is a bit of a legend. His side street trick gets me right to the door of Embassy House ninja style. Thank him and run in. Get in lift and realise its the same building as the Irish Daily Mail. Get to the top. Receptionist lets me in and thankfully a photographer I have been on a good few jobs with before is already there setting up his camera. Google maps had done the same thing to him so he had just arrived. Luckily they are running late as ever. PR guy tells me they were running TWO HOURS late. But he cancelled 4 people already and then tells me he might have to split the boys into two groups of two for the interview as they have to catch a flight! I don’t mind this as I actually feel less scared of the idea of having  to interview two rather then four of JLS… but my relief is short lived. PR guy comes back and tells me the other girl hasn’t arrived yet and I can have the four! Walk down this corridor down to a door which is open with a guy standing there holding it. Can hear PR guy ahead of me telling them they are about to meet Sinead. Heart starts to beat a million miles and hour, walk in and they’re all like ‘Hi Sinead’ and they all stand up and give me kisses on both cheeks. They are all talking to me at once and its completely overwhelming. JB (the one most older fans think is the hottest most probs) is asking me what perfume I’m wearing while the others are trying to introduce themselves. I am trying to tell him its Yves Sans Lauren without being rude to the other guys. The photographer needs to get the pic of us first before he leaves so next thing I’m being shoved in between the four of them for the photo. Marvin is to my left (the 25 year old one who is going out with Rochelle from the Saturdays) and he asks me am I grabbing his arse. I am actually not, its just my shorthand notebook and all the paraphanalia that I am holding and then cos my right arm is in such an awkward position I try and move it and then end up grabbing the arse on my right (cant remember who it belonged to) then they start making me laugh and I reckon the shots get a bit spazzy and then my photographer is gone. “Where shall I sit?”  I say looking hopefully for a chair opposite where I can sit across from them but JB is like – “Sit right here!” and sits down on the couch. Oooh I am so not prepared for this! So I am sitting on a couch beside JB and Marvin. Aston is sitting on a chair to my right and Oritse is sitting on the chair on the other side. It is a low comfy couch but I suddenly feel not so aloof and professional more like I am just hanging out. They keep making me laugh but eventually am like ‘I have to roll these questions off now’ (thats how I roll) Anyway, get into my stride then and its great. They give me some great answers. Next thing two of them (Oritse and Aston) get dragged off to do the other interview. I am left with just Marvin and JB, and Marvin moves over to the other chair and JB moves towards me a bit more so we are in a cosy circle now (the sound on my dictaphone is much better from this point as well which is a major plus) Its easier to interview them now because JB and Marvin are good talkers and engage better now we are more focused. JB spoke about their new release song ‘Love You More’ which is out in November.
“We thought it would be good to come up with a concept of love as a general topic. Whether its with a girlfriend or someone you really like or a family member or your mum or something – someone you really care about. It’s about loving them more and more every day. Its something I feel most people can identify with and relate to – its saying, I love you more today then yesterday - that sentiment.”
I ask them who was the sexiest celebrity they had ever met was.
JB: Eva Longoria – she is special! Her smell is… (both JB and Marvin sigh at the same time and then start laughing)
Marvin: What happened was, it was weird, we were in LA and we bumped into Simon Cowell out there and we were leaving the restaurant and we see this tiny little thing and then she turned around and it was like slow motion and all four of our hearts came out of our chests and went in the air all around her, it was so weird. She did turn around and say that she thought we were all good looking and gave us a kiss and a hug. And then I said that will never, ever, ever happen again where this superstar turns around and it was her.
JB: And the next time we went to America I said I bet you we see her and we went to our agency and we share the same agency as she does and that same day we had a meeting and came back downstairs and she was crossing paths with us and we were like oh god! 
Anyway, I’ve saving all the rest of the better material for the actual feature as I can’t give away the good answers here!
I finished the interview pretty quick even though I got loads of answers and have lots of info from the press release and on them in general. I sort of believe in the natural progression of an interview. Sometimes people talk way too much and its so hard to sift through to get the good quotes or even choose between so many quotes (Muse’s Matthew Bellamy is so smart but he talks a million miles an hour about so many different concepts it took me like 3 hours to transcribe their interview) - other times (like an interview I did yesterday for a true life feature) the interview is exactly perfect. And other times (like last week in London) all your material is really over all the place, but none of it is really quality and you don’t know exactly how you are going to write it. And other times you don’t know at all – but you sense you have lots of good quotes mixed with alot of good info and tons of interesting little comments. I feel like this one was the latter. While it wasn’t the longest interview in the world (15 mins) I got all the answers to the questions I wanted the answer to. And if I didn’t it was because a good answer to that question didn’t exist… Maybe I am a bad journalist but I don’t like pushing people. The thing is, and this is my belief only so I might be totally wrong on this one, but I believe that some journalists push and they get the best answers and that others don’t push but they still get the best answers. In this case I didn’t push a question about one of their relationships. This might be good and it might be bad. If you push people they sometimes reveal but they often clam up and you still get nothing but you also alienate them from the conversation and none of the rest of their answers are much good. Sometimes, if I sense they don’t want to talk about it and don’t push it then it works out better later on. If you’ve gained someones trust, they open up more. Also it means you’re not being a tool to someone who is just another human being. Basically I think to be a journalist you have to have good social skills. People portray journalists as being pushy and rude – but as I learned last year, no good journalist is like this cos you need to actually be good with people if you want them to talk to you! Maybe I just tell myself this cos I don’t like being nosy or rude and I just can’t bring myself to pry into anyones life if they don’t want it…. I know Kristen Stewart likened paparrazzi to rape and this was over the top, but she had a point. Who has the right to invade someone elses privacy? Okay this JLS fun topic has gone waaay off now so I am going to leave it at that. Come back in two or three weeks to read the proper feature with the rest of the better quotes and it all tied up like a happy little feature parcel. Outty!

Love You More released 15th November 2010: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GAjLo_guTKs 

If you enjoyed this blog, you might enjoy my travel blog at: www.sineadstravelblog.wordpress.com

Dress To Suit Your Shape

While we all might want to be a size ten with Angelina’s lips and Shakira’s hips – life means we come in all shapes and sizes. You might not be the ideal type in your own mind but help is always at hand to help you make the most of your body – by diet, exercise and even how you dress. So whether you are an Apple a Pear or even a Celery pay attention to the following tips and embrace your differences.

Petite

Definition: Pint sized and smaller in height. 

Diet and Exercise: Extra weight can be more obvious on smaller frames and it is also harder for you to lose weight then for your taller mates. The sad fact is that the smaller you are in height the lesser calories you require to keep you going. But that doesn’t mean you should deny yourself. The key is long term change in your lifestyle. Sticking to a regular exercise routine means you can consume more calories. Also try having smaller portions of your favourite food when you have cravings, and when you are snacking stick to nuts, fruit and low fat yogurts if you can. 

Fashion Tip: Horizontal sailor stripes make you look shorter and wider. Opt for vertical stripes on the top or the bottom (just not at the same time!). Vertical lines elongate and slim the body, this effect can also be achieved with vertical seams and zip-front styles.

Beauty: Make your petite frame stand out with a shimmer of body lotion and some sparkling jewellery.

Celeb Twin: Eva Longoria Parker, Reece Witherspoon and Jessica Parker.

Pear- Shaped 

Definition: Weight stored on hips, bottom and thighs – often with a slim waist and flat stomach

Diet and Exercise: You’ve got toned arms and a flat tummy so lucky you! Your best feature is your nicely defined back and slim arms. But if you still worry about your lower half then a good way to keep in shape is not skip meals. By doing this the weight will merely come off the places you don’t need to lose it. For maximum calorie blasting try work outs such as rowing or cross-training – and keep eating, but cut down on the calories in each meal by choosing lower fat options and smaller portion sizes.

Fashion Tip: Choose A-line dresses or babydoll dresses which will skim over any trouble areas and de-emphasise your lower half.

Beauty: Body brushing can help rev up the circulation on the bum and thigh areas and improve your skins texture.

Celeb Twin: Hayden Panettiere and Kate Winslet

Hour-glass

 Definition: Shoulders and hips are similar width – waist pinches in, curvy figure with full chest but in proportion.

Diet and Exercise: Your best feature is your shapely waist. Men adore 50s siren hourglass figures. You tend to be reasonably well balanced and can adapt to most types of training. Cross training, cycling, running and rowing are all great forms of cardiovascular or aerobic exercise for the hourglass. In order to maintain that great shape a balanced diet is also key. Try tweaking your meals by chopping a banana into your cereal to help you get your five a day, or try fruit as a snack instead of that chocolate bar. 

Fashion Tip: Cinch in your great curves with a statement belt and don’t be afraid to flaunt your assets!

Beauty: A subtle sheen can make limbs seems slimmer so slather on silky body oil which will keep skin soft too.

Celeb Twin: Eva Mendes and Marilyn Monroe

Celery

Definition: Shoulders, waist and hips are similar width. Athletic, thin and boyish figure.

Diet and Exercise: Lucky for you eating habits are rarely a problem and chances are you can eat mostly what you want without having to watch your weight. With the body of a model, you might be the envy of all your mates, but secretly sometimes you envy their curves. Try and incorporate 30 minutes of exercise into your daily routine to keep your athletic figure tight and toned. Make sure you don’t skip on meals. 

Fashion Tip: Choose horizontal stripes to give up-and-down figures more curves.

Beauty: Try some bronzer or fake tan to give your leans limbs an extra healthy glow.

Celeb Twin: Cameron Diaz and Gwyneth Paltrow

Apple Shape

Definition: Tend to hold weight around abdomen – bottom small and flat. Generous waist, thin legs and narrow hips.

Diet and Exercise: Cardiovascular training work is crucial for apples’ heart health, and in order to reduce fat around the internal organs. The apples amongst us need to take care to protect their (often delicate) ankles and knees, particularly if very overweight. For those heavier apples, rowing and cycling are a great place to begin cardiovascular training, as bodyweight is supported reducing impact. Apples need to maximise their calorie burning potential and build lean muscle tissue to help fire up their metabolism, so exercises that move more than one joint at a time are a must.

Fashion Tip: Tops can be low cut, and should go in under the bust, then flare out over the stomach – this is the most flattering shape for the apple. Add dainty wedge shaped shoes with dresses to show off slender lower legs.

Beauty: As an apple shaped woman, you want to select jewelry that highlights your face or thinner limbs. Steer clear of long necklaces that end below the bust as these will draw the focus to your stomach.

Celeb Twin: Catherine Zeta-Jones, Liz Hurley and Drew Barrymore

Creation – Film Review

THE STARS: Jennifer Connelly, Paul Bettany, Jeremy Northam

THE STORY: The true life struggle of Charles Darwin as he battles between religion and logic, to write his master work ‘On the Origin of Species’.

It would be a pity if anyone stayed away from this film because of its subject matter. ‘Controversy’ is the first word that comes to mind when you mention a film that questions blind faith and religion. But the struggle of this intelligent and emotional man as he comes to terms with his theory of evolution is probably the best portrayed in a film in years, while the topic of religion is dealt with sensitively and fairly.  

Charles Darwin (Paul Bettany) is a thinker. Set in the 1850s he has lost a child, Annie, for which he blames himself. While being rallied on by fellow scientists to write his 1859 work ‘On the Origin of Species’ he struggles with his conscience to defy all he has ever known – family and religion.

His wife Emma (Jennifer Connelly), his children and his health all suffer as he embarks on a mental struggle to put pen to paper. With plot twists that will leave you on the end of your seat – and scenes that will have you in tears, this film is one hell of an emotional journey.

Director, Jon Amiel, has left not much room for improvement – the film is realistic and the cinematography is brilliant. The only vice is that sometimes it feels like the film is trying too hard to remain impartial to either religion or evolution, and for that the plot may have suffered slightly.

THE VERDICT: The acting is fantastic and the subject matter is fascinating. Very emotional but, overall, an enjoyable and thought provoking film.

Celebrity Cougars

They’re over 35, they’re hot and they’re on the prowl – we look at the celebrity cougars that aren’t afraid to get their claws into younger men…

Demi Moore

Demi was the original cougar when she started dating Ashton Kutcher a man 16 years her junior in 2003. Demi and Ashton began their May – December romance after the pair met at a casual dinner in New York City. They married in 2005. Demi has said that they talked all night long after they met – and they proved disbelievers wrong with their enduring relationship.
Loved up Ashton said of his marriage to Demi: “We deal with issues before they become arguments. I’ve never tried to change my wife, and she has never tried to change me. Demi told me once, ‘When you’re right, that’s all you get to be.’ And, for some reason, that made sense to me.”

Madonna

Theirs was a romance that brought a smirk to many a face when they began dating shortly after her divorce from director Guy Ritchie was finalised. Madonna may live to shock, but she couldn’t have shocked the world more when she emerged with Jesus Luz. The model, 28 years her junior met Madonna on a photo shoot. It was also said his mother, 14 years younger than the Material Girl singer, did not approve of the relationship. Eventually the pair split after a year, Madonna claiming: “It’s really pushing it for us to have common ground these days. We have Kabbalah, that’s about it.” The busy work schedules of 51 year old Madonna and Jesus, 23, were also rumoured to be a factor.

Elle McPherson

The stunning supermodel may be over 40 but she shows the world she isn’t over the hill. At 44, The Body was last year reported to be dating at 21 year old named Vito Schnabel. Her beau was son of famed artist and filmmaker Julian Schnabel.  His father appeared to approve of his son’s choice in women stating: “She’s a very nice woman . . . And I think he’s a healthy young man with good impulses.”

Cameron Diaz  

Actress Cameron Diaz began dating singer Justin Timberlake soon after they met at the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards in April 2003. With nine years between them regular rumours of break-ups reported in the tabloid press were either ignored or occasionally denied.

“It’s not like this is the first time in the history of human relationships that people were drawn to one another because of who they are, not what age they are,” Diaz said in 2004. After nearly four years together they eventually had an amicable split.

Kim Cattrall

Kim Cattrall may have played man-hunting vixen Samantha in Sex in the City, but in real life the 54 year old is not too different from her onscreen character. Canadian chef, Alan Wyse, 20 years her junior dated the actress for five years. They decided to go their separate ways in July 2009. Kim blamed her busy work schedule for the breakdown of her relationship but is now is now single and looking for love. Watch out boys!

Courtney Cox

Courtney Cox may star in new hit series, Cougartown but in real life she has made cougaring an art form. The Friends star married actor David Arquette seven years her junior in 1999. In 2004, she gave birth to their first child, daughter Coco Cox Arquette. As for what makes his 9-year marriage to Cox so successful, Arquette credits hard work and commitment. “There’s a lot to relationships in general. You just have to really work at them. They’re not easy, and you have to be kind to each other and figure out what each other’s buttons are and figure out how not to push them,” he said. “You can’t leave your heart open. You have to be committed.”

Enneagram – Nine Types of Personality

Are you a perfectionist or are you a peacemaker? Would your friends describe you as a conformist or an individual? By analysing the Enneagram or ‘nine types’ of personality you can find out your type and use it as a method for self-understanding and self-development. See if you can recognise you and your loved ones ‘personality’ type in the following.

Type One

Characteristic role: The Reformer

Ones are serious people. They tend to be highly principled – they follow the rules and expect others to as well. They are conscientious with a strong sense of right and wrong and are essentially looking to make things better. They are always aware of the flaws in themselves, others and the situations in which they find themselves. The One’s inability to achieve the perfection they desire feeds their feelings of guilt for having fallen short, and fuels their anger. They are tense people who have a hard time relaxing and who deny themselves many of the harmless pleasures of life.

At their Best: Wise, realistic, and noble.

Celebrity Ones: Meryl Streep, Jodie Foster, Emma Thompson, Julie Andrews

Type Two

Characteristic role: The Helper

Twos are warm, emotional people who care a great deal about their personal relationships and devote an enormous amount of energy to them. However, they expect to be appreciated for their efforts. They typically have problems with possessiveness and with acknowledging their own needs. Helping others makes Twos feel good about themselves and being needed makes them feel important. Because Twos are generally helping others meet their needs, they can forget to take care of their own.

At their Best: Unselfish and altruistic, they have unconditional love for others.

Celebrity Twos: Mother Teresa, Courtney Cox, Naomi Campbell, Kim Cattrall

Type Three

Characteristic role: The Achiever

Threes are self-assured, attractive, and charming. Ambitious, competent, and energetic, they can also be status-conscious and highly driven for advancement. Their need to be validated for their image often hides a deep sense of shame about who they really are, a shame they unconsciously fear will be unmasked if another gets too close. Threes are often generous and likable, but are difficult to really know. When unhealthy, their narcissism takes an ugly turn and they can become cold blooded and ruthless in the pursuit of their goals.

At their best: Self-accepting, role models who inspire others.

Celebrity Threes: Jim Carey, Tom Cruise, Madonna, Halle Berry, Tiger Woods

Type Four

Characteristic role: The Individualist

People of this personality type tend to build their identities around their perception of themselves as being somehow different or unique; they are thus self-consciously individualistic. They are emotionally honest, creative and personal but can also be moody and self-conscious. They can withhold themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity.

At their Best: Inspired and highly creative, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences.

Celebrity Fours: Angelina Jolie, Johnny Depp, Kate Winslet, Michael Jackson

Type Five

Characteristic role: The Investigator

Sometimes loners, people of this personality type essentially fear that they don’t have enough inner strength to face life, so they tend to retreat into the safety and security of the mind where they can mentally prepare for the world. Alert, insightful, and curious they are intelligent, well read and thoughtful and they frequently become experts in the areas that capture their interest. They can adopt an attitude of careless indifference or intellectual arrogance, which can create distance between themselves and others.

At their Best: Visionary pioneers, ahead of their time, able to see the world in an entirely new way.

Celebrity Fives: Kurt Kobain, Albert Einstein, Keanu Reeves, Stephen Hawking, Robert DeNiro

Type Six

Characteristic role: The Loyalist

People of this personality type essentially feel insecure, as though there is nothing quite steady enough to hold onto. At the core of the type Six personality is a fear or anxiety. They are reliable, hard-working, responsible, and trustworthy. They foresee problems and foster cooperation, but can also become defensive, evasive, and anxious—running on stress while complaining about it. They can be cautious and indecisive, but also hasty, defiant and rebellious. They typically have problems with self-doubt and suspicion.

At their Best: internally stable and self-reliant, successfully defending themselves and others

Celebrity Sixes: Hugh Grant, Marilyn Monroe, Julia Roberts, Judi Dench

Type Seven

Characteristic role: The Enthusiast

Sevens want their lives to be an exciting adventure. They are future oriented, restless people who are generally convinced that something better is just around the corner. Extroverted, optimistic and spontaneous, they are quick thinkers who have a great deal of energy and who make lots of plans. They tend to be extroverted, multi-talented, creative and open-minded. They can also misapply their many talents, becoming over-extended, scattered, and undisciplined. They constantly seek new and exciting experiences, but can become distracted and exhausted by staying on the go. They typically have problems with impatience and impulsiveness.

At their Best: they focus their talents on worthwhile goals, becoming appreciative and satisfied.

Celebrity Sevens: Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, Britney Spears, Catherine Zeta-Jones

Type Eight

Characteristic role: The Challenger

Eights are self-confident, strong, and assertive. They are essentially unwilling to be controlled, either by others or by their circumstances. They also tend to be domineering; their unwillingness to be controlled by others frequently manifesting in the need to control others instead. This can sometimes cause them to become confrontational and intimidating. They want a lot out of life and feel fully prepared to go out and get it. Eights typically have problems with their tempers and with allowing themselves to be vulnerable.
At their Best: self- mastering, they use their strength to improve others’ lives, becoming heroic and inspiring.

Celebrity Eights: Russell Crowe, Pink, Johnny Cash, Courtney Love, Queen Latifah

Type Nine

Characteristic role: The Peacemaker

People of this personality type essentially need peace and harmony. They tend to avoid conflict at all costs. The Nine’s desire to avoid conflict generally results in some degree of withdrawal from life, and many Nines are introverted as a result. They are accepting, trusting, creative and supportive, but can also be too willing to go along with others to keep the peace. They can tend to be complacent, simplifying problems and minimizing anything upsetting. They typically have problems with inertia and stubbornness.

At their Best: All-embracing, they are able to bring people together and heal conflicts.

Celebrity Nines: Jennifer Aniston, David Beckham, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Audrey Hepburn, Renee Zellweger

Wags to Bitches

In an upmarket London club on a Saturday night a group of professional footballers are out on the lash. They are surrounded by a flurry of attention, which years ago would have only been reserved for the most prolific musicians and film stars.

Parading in front of them, walking up and down five or six times, looking them in the eye seductively each time, is a group of attractive women. One breaks away from the group and sits down beside a married footballer and begins to flirt. 

This scene may sound far fetched but it is closer to reality then it is to fantasy.

And the past few weeks have cast an ugly light on what it is like to live in the world of celebrity ‘WAG-ville’.

John Terry was recently given the yellow card by a judge who allowed the footballers affair go public. Terry had been caught cheating on his wife and childhood sweetheart Toni with French underwear model Vanessa Perroncel – his wife’s best friend and the partner of fellow England defender Wayne Bridge.

Similarly just last week Vernon Kaye was forced to apologise on UK national radio for his textual affair with glamour model Rhian Sugden. He claims not to have slept with the Page Three blonde but wife Tess Daly is unlikely to be impressed. And even more worryingly just a few weeks previous, Daly had told She Magazine how much she trusted her husband and father of her two children.

Looking around at the moment, it seems rich and famous men can be a singularly priapic bunch, unable to walk past a glamour model without prepositioning her for a threesome, with even the most honest men unable to keep it in their pants.
David Beckham is another high profile example of the man who almost threw everything away for a bit of totty. The premiership footballer who had three kids and a happy marriage with gorgeous Spice Girl, Victoria, was found to have been ‘red carding’ his personal assistant Rebecca Loos after he moved to play for Real Madrid.

Meanwhile, hype over the Chelsea and England defender Ashley Cole’s marriage reached has its pinnacle this week when Cheryl Cole learned of yet another of her cheating love rat husbands indiscretions. The stunning X-factor judge has been left devastated after her husband was caught sending explicit photos and text messages to another woman. Despite telling Hello magazine just a few weeks previous: “Anyone who throws in the towel ends up achieving nothing,” Cheryl and Ashley have now put an end to ‘fighting for their love’.

Of course, shamed golfer Tiger Woods would understand exactly what Ashley is going through. Having a beautiful wife but trying to get a ‘hole in one’ with strings of women, he not only lost favour with his partner but he also managed to put the brakes on his high flying career. Not only was he dropped by his sponsors Accenture and Gillette – he also ended up in rehab. Good going Tiger.

So the million dollar question is – what on earth makes these men ruin relationships with incredibly beautiful and successful women such as Cheryl and Tess, destroying their reputations and careers in the process, just for the thrill of a cheap illicit encounter? Is it the excitement of the forbidden, or is it just attention stroking for their largely expanded egos?  

According to Allison Keating psychologist who runs the Bwell clinic in Dublin it’s more likely to occur among people who are higher up on the social ladder and as a result of their arrogance and belief that they will get away with it.

“With the amount of opportunity they are given – with women throwing themselves at their feet, you can see how they are being tempted.

“You see it happen a lot more with the team sports such as football. Whereas with men like Tiger Woods they were immediately dropped by their advertisers when they were caught – the footballers seem to get away scot free. It is like when they are out they are part of the ‘team’ it is more accepted and they can behave as if they are teenagers. Unfortunately this is often not the case when are married.”

Other psychologists also believe that it is the being desired and feeling desirable that nurtures the celebrities self-esteem, rather then it being a question of sex.

The WAGs are often discarded when not needed. The result usually is an unpleasant misogynistic type of focus being placed on the woman. A pressure for them to be perfectly groomed, pretty and skinny – a ‘possession’ to boost their husband’s masculine image all leads back to the 1950s image of womanhood.

An example of this discarding of their wives and girlfriends was the notorious Manchester United party of 2007, when the WAGs were allegedly told to stay home. On top of this, a hundred women were hand picked and brought in to party with the players – the night ending up with a rape allegation which was later dropped.

Those who study marriage and work with couples say men who cheat usually do so because they feel something is missing in their primary relationship.

“You would have to wonder about what type of women becomes a WAG,” says Allison. “Perhaps they think they are different – that they will be the one to tame the man. But you also need to wonder about the women having affairs with them. Often these women chase them just so they can sell a story or get them into trouble. You have to look at how similar these WAGs are to one another and feel sorry for them. They are living in the shadow of these men. Would I date a professional footballer? No. And would most women? Most would say no.”

Whatever the answer, there is no doubt that celebrities are under a lot more surveillance now, so Ashley will probably try keeping the texts to a minimum. And for the ones that haven’t been caught yet? The world is watching.

IS KEANE DIFFERENT?

Unlike the other WAG’s, Claudine Keane, wife of Robbie Keane insists the secret to their enduring marriage is loyalty. The new mum of an eight month old baby boy, Claudine insists that although her husband is away on a loan spell in Glasgow she trusts her man completely.

Robbie and Claudine Keane

“Of course there are women who deliberately target footballers but I don’t let that worry me. It is the same with any good looking man who has money,” she said.

But does the Malahide beauty obsess about keeping in shape so she’ll hang on to her rich and famous man?

“I make an effort because I like to feel good. It’s not to compete with other girls.

“I was overwhelmed being a new mum I didn’t have time to think about my figure. I certainly didn’t crash diet,” she said, adding: “I have chocolate or cake every day, as life is for living – I just have a small portion.” In the face of all the allegations, we hope that the future stays bright for our optimistic WAG Claudine.

Good Things Come To Those Who Work

 

As the old adage says: good things come to those who wait. But people who achieve great things usually have to work hard for years to get to the top. With this in mind we seek the advice of three life coaches who give you tips to success in 2010… 

Life Coach One: Catherine Fitzsimons

Catherine Fitzsimons has extensive training in the counselling and teaching arena. She olds a degree in business management and is also a Licensed Master Practitioner of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming).

Tips

1. Don’t be afraid to change direction

Many people put off doing what they want because they think it is too late to just go for it. But Catherine says you don’t have to do this: “It is never too late to change direction it is just a matter of when you decide!” she says. 

“Write down what you want to do. It’s always a good thing to ‘think in ink.’ When you’ve done this then set well formed outcomes i.e. begin with the end in mind. Then ask yourself the following questions: What do I need to do? What part of this is within my control? And is it worth it?”

2. Don’t be afraid of your weakness

Instead of shying away from something you want to do because of your own perceived weakness, instead face your fears head on. “Focus on a weakness you would like to improve,” advises Catherine. “Ask yourself: Is it life changing that you improve this weakness? What would it mean to you to achieve this?  And finally again, is it worth it?”

Catherine Fitzsimons - Life Coach

3. Audit your life with the help of friends
Remember work isn’t everything. If there is a career you would prefer because it would give you more time with friends and family, help yourself decide by doing the following. 

Divide your life into different areas such as social, family, friends, fun (hobbies), work, rest etc…. 

Decide what your current time spend is in each category i.e. 60% of your time is spent in work or with your friends…

Ask yourself if you feel there is any area that you neglect i.e. could you spend more of your time with family and if so how can you achieve this

Write down all the things that would be suddenly become urgent if you had only one year left to live.  The ironic fact is all of us only have the moment we live in to live our best life.

For more information go to www.catherinefitzsimons.com

Life Coach Two: Paul Mullin

Paul Mullin founded and manages Measurability a career advice firm. He has vast experience in HR, Career Coaching, Interview Coaching, CV writing, Recruitment, Psychometric Testing and Outplacement Services in the UK and Ireland.

Tips

1. Engage in Real World Networking

You might think you are getting out and about in terms of networking and job hunting but according to Paul Mullin, you could be missing the mark. “At least 50% of job opportunities are not advertised and can only be accessed through proactive job hunting strategies like networking,” says Paul.

“Start engaging with family, friends and ex work colleagues. Attend formal business or industry networking events to grow your network and increase your visibility.”

Paul Mullin - Specialises in career coaching

2. Embrace Social Media Networking  

You might already be a big fan of Facebook but have you tried online networking for the sake of your career? For this there is LinkedIn, a business-oriented social networking site mainly used for professional networking. “LinkedIn is now an essential part of any job hunting toolkit,” says Paul. “If you haven’t joined then do so and if you have already joined ensure that you are active. “Create an impact profile, connect with your existing network and engage with other members. Join relevant LinkedIn Groups and contribute positively.”

3. Start Thinking Personal Brand

You might think of yourself as just one link in a long chain. But Paul advises to start seeing yourself as more individual and market yourself like you would a product.

“The future of your career is about developing a personal brand. Whether you are an employee or self-employed you have start thinking like an entrepreneur or small business. Identify what you are passionate about, what you are good at and start elevating yourself to expert in this area. Your success is about increased activity, creativity and visibility.”

For more information go to www.measurability.ie  

Life Coach Three: Hadrian Boyle-Fawsitt

Hadrian Boyle-Fawsitt is a Master NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) Practitioner who is experienced in life and business coaching. For more information go to www.activity4life.com

Tips

1. Take Charge

“If you feel things or life in general is happening to you rather then you are making it happen then it time to take charge,” says Hadrian. “Put yourself if the driving set by asking yourself: What am I doing or not doing that is causing this or that to happen?”

He also advises positive thinking as a method of keeping yourself motivated.

“When you are making goals state them in the positive and as if they have already happened.  Imagine the last step first, the final step that will proves to you that you have got your goal.  “Its 11:45 on the 15 of May I am handing over my boarding pass, I am on my dream holiday!” 

2. Dump Your Worries

A lot of the time we carry around the stuff that is concerning us because we are worried we might forget about. “Get a note book and dump the stuff that is worrying you in it,” advises Hadrian. “If you ever need to find it you will know where to look.  This will help you sleep better too.”

Hadrian - Tips for life

3. Respect Yourself

Want to ruin your chances at success? Lack of self belief can cause you to self destruct. “What is mad is talking to yourself without respect,” says Hadrian. “The next time you curse at yourself or your actions apologise. Have you ever noticed how passionately we self criticise? In future only be passionate about what you do well.  Remember self praise is the only praise that matters.”

Celebs on working hard 

Tom Cruise: “When I work, I work very hard. I look to work with people who have that level of dedication and I depend on that from everyone.”

Rihanna: “Success for me isn’t a destination it’s a journey. It’s all about working harder and getting better and moving up and up.”

Jay-Z: “I’m far from being god but I work god damn hard.”

Seal: “I’ve paid my dues and don’t feel guilty for the perfect lifestyle people see that we have. Both Heidi and I have worked our a**es off to get here, no one gave it to us.” 

What’s Your Handbag IQ?

Whether you have a Prada or a Penny’s you are sure to agree that your handbag is an important part of your life. From large ones to small ones – from fancy leather ones to small clutch purses – not only does it define your style, but what is inside it can say a lot more about your personality then you may realise.

Imagine this scenario: you are lost, your car has broken down and you are in the middle of nowhere. Upset and worried you reach for your handbag on the seat beside you and root through it. You have all the tools you need to survive – a phone to call the AA, a book to read while you wait, water to drink, tissues in case of emergencies, an umbrella in case you need to abandon ship and first aid kit in case you get an unexpected a paper cut while you are waiting. Where would you have been without it, you wonder?

But as well as being a great help in a difficult situation, our handbag can also reveal hidden truths about our behaviour and feelings. Put simply, as Carrie from Sex in the City once said: “It’s just a little bag, but we feel naked in public without it.” So what does your handbag say about you?

1. Functional Femme

What’s inside: The functional femme is the most practical of the handbag owners. Always the in control business woman they only keep business-like contents in their bag – items such as keys, purse, phone, painkillers, food, water and pens. Generally all of the items would be of a similar shape and size.

Functional Femme

What it means: This is a professional’s bag. Ambitious and controlled, the carrier will have a clear idea of who they are and the image they are projecting. This person is using their handbag as a way of dividing their lives into compartments. They will often have several other bags, for example for evenings or weekends. Each bag serves its own function for the role that person is playing. Each bag acts like another mask to the particular character the person is acting as that day or under each set of circumstances.

Functional Femme Celebrities: With her hundreds of handbags Sienna Miller compartmentalises her life into the different roles she plays in everyday life.

2. Neat and Necessary

What’s inside: Light and simple – phone, purse, keys and lip balm.

What it means: This person likes to keep it simple. When applied to a younger person this type of handbag denotes someone with no emotional connection to their handbag. They are down-to-earth and accustomed to multitasking. They are often the person with a busy, high profile career. Their profession means their image is already mapped out and therefore they don’t feel the need to weigh down their bag with excessive personal items. This type of handbag owner may place more emphasis on what others think of them rather then the small details of their daily life.

Neat and Necessary

Neat and Necessary Celebs: Keira Knightley is often seen carrying a very small purse. Her high profile profession and laid back attitude means she only needs the bare minimum.

3. Messy Madame

What’s Inside: A virtual mess! All of the necessary items are there along with other unnecessary things such as ticket stubs, old receipt, sweet wrappers, pens that don’t work and other useless items.

Messy Madame

What it means: Though people might think these people are lazy in fact they are just very relaxed! They are comfortable in life, but as the mess reflects, they don’t take enough time out for themselves, instead preferring to rush around. This person should ask themselves. “Am I happy and fulfilled?” once in a while. Being content to be pulled along in the momentum of life can mean neglecting important questions and feelings.

Messy Madame Celebs: Lindsey Lohan’s messy handbag shows her willingness to be pulled along with the rough and tumble of modern life.

4. Little Miss Organised

What’s Inside: This bag is akin to Mary Poppin’s bag full of everything from a full make up kits, spare keys, two phones, organizers and umbrellas to gloves, sunglasses, passport, first aid kit and the kitchen sink.

Little Miss Organised

What it means: If you need to be super organized it often means you have lost touch of the trust in your life. These people feel they must be prepared for all eventualities and fear relinquishing their steel grip on life. As a result they end up carrying too much in their bag. The physical weight of their handbags often mirrors the emotional weight they are carrying around. Eventually this person will become sick of the weight and tired of always being focused and over-prepared which will lead to a craving for freedom.

Little Miss Organised Celebs: Victoria Beckham busy lifestyle means she needs to prepare for every eventuality by carrying large, full handbags.

Goodbye Oprah

If nothing else, you have to agree that Oprah Winfrey is a woman of conviction. So after almost 25 years, the cries of housewives and unemployed all over the world will be deafening, as Oprah announces she is putting the famous sofa to rest and taking a bow.

Born in Mississippi in 1954, Oprah was the wrong colour for her place and time. But despite being dirt poor and having being sexually abused by an older cousin at the age of nine she defied the odds by graduating with honours and at the age of 19 becoming Nashvilles first female African American broadcaster.

Now arguably one of the most powerful entertainers on the planet and tipped as one of the most powerful women in America, Oprah has been gracing our screens for almost a quarter of a century on The Oprah Winfrey Show.

The O-factor, as it is commonly known, has changed lives, sold millions of books, and exercised a pull on the hearts, minds and wallets of middle-America. As a result Forbes estimate her fortune to be at 2.3 billon dollars (2009).

The talk show host is adulated for a number of reasons but mainly because of the host’s ability to identify with all aspects of life following her own problems and success. She dealt with problems such as addiction, racism, giving birth and losing her baby at the age of 14. She has also, of course, been notorious for her struggle with her weight, which millions of women can identify with.

It’s a credit to her that after almost a quarter of a century, Ms Winfrey, 55, still commands the heights of daytime chat. Through her syndication deals her programme reaches some 7 million homes daily in the US.

Not only that, but Winfrey can add acting to her resume too, having scooped an Oscar nomination for her performance in The Colour Purple in 1985.

There are also rumours she will be starting her another show on her coming cable channel, OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network, after her current show finishes.

So what will we remember The Oprah Winfrey Show for most? Will it be how Hollywood titans and ordinary Joe soaps alike opened up on the show – revealing things they would usually never say on air? Will it be Oprah’s sense of modesty? Her donations to the poor, helping of hurricane Katrina victims and helping the FBI track down child molesters? Or is it the wacky moments that will have us remembering the show long after it is finished? Here are some of the moments that made the Oprah Winfrey show what it is today.

1. The Tom Cruise Incident.

Comedians couldn’t believe their luck the day Tom Cruise jumped around Oprah’s set, hopped onto a couch and professed his love for his new girlfriend Katie Holmes. In fact it should go down in history as the funniest day in showbiz history. Or at least the only day Tom Cruise had been taller then a woman. Winfrey said of the Irish jig on top of her furniture: “I kept saying to him ‘you’re gone, you’re really gone.’”

His reputation of being a scientologist and control freak, was not helped by this, making in the number one Hollywood eccentric. We never would have got to see this wonderful event had it not been for Oprah.

 

2. Bucket of Lard

If Oprah’s famed talk show antics came first – her dieting came second. Although her yo-yo dieting has continued for decades, her most famous weight loss was in 1988 when she famously lost 67 pounds on a liquid protein diet. Oprah appeared on her talk show dressed in size 10 Calvin Klein blue jeans wheeling a wagon loaded with fat representing the weight that she had lost. She then quickly regained the weight. Fat or skinny, however, everyone still loved and admired Oprah.

3. Oprah Interviews Jacko

Ms Winfrey hosted an exclusive prime-time interview with Michael Jackson in 1993 which became the fourth most watched event in American television history as well as the most watched interview ever, with an audience of one hundred million. Perhaps it was Oprah’s kind demenour that allowed Michael to feel he could talk to her. In the hour long unedited interview, Michael Jackson let the world look inside his home at the Neverland Ranch. Oprah delivered a more normal side to the Jackson who, at the time, was being intensely scrutinised. She also put to rest some rumours:

Oprah: Did you buy the Elephant man’s bones?

Michael: No. I love the story of the Elephant man, he reminds me of me a lot, and I could relate to it, it made me cry because I saw myself in the story, but no I never asked for the…where am I going to put some bones?…

Michael: ….and why would I want some bones?

Oprah: I don’t know. So where did that story come from?

Michael: Someone makes it up, and everybody believes it. If you hear a lie often enough, you start to believe it.

4. Oprah locked out

It might technically have not been on her show, but it showed Oprah should not be messed with. Oprah turned up outside Hermes luxury boutique store in France, just after their closing time of 6.30pm and was not let in. The street is well travelled by tourists because of its abundance of famous designer boutiques. In the first version of the incident, Hermes staff members stationed at the door failed to recognize Winfrey, as she was not in full glamour makeup with her TV hair. They denied her entry and a gossip item claimed, told her that they had been “having a problem with North Africans lately.” In the other version of events they were busy organising event and were unable to let Winfrey in. Nevertheless, it was unusual that someone who could buy everything in the store would be refused. Then despite rumours of a conciliatory crocodile skin ‘I’m sorry’ bag – Oprah swore off the shop announcing publicly that she would never go there again, and that she would be addressing the matter on her show that Autumn. Take that Hermes.

5. The Jeep giveaway

Oh we were jealous, very jealous indeed, when we found out Oprah had given a free Pontiac G6 Jeep to ‘everyone in the audience.’ This was in 2004 when our height of sophistication in Ireland was a free hamper on The Late Late Show. The company covered the seven million costs in promotional payback. On the night, pandemonium allegedly took over the studio in Chicago. Cries of “Oprah, you’re beautiful!” and “We’re blessed” ricocheted against the rafters and later Winfrey described it as one of the greatest days of her TV life. Well, if hundreds of people were screaming that you were beautiful, wouldn’t it be your favourite day too?