Pole Fitness

Apart from the fun factor it’s been estimated that beginner pole fitness dancers can lose between 300 and 400 calories per hour! Just Dance, providers of the classes, also claim it is a great toning and cardiovascular exercise. So is pole dancing a whole lot of fun or just a plain stick in the mud? I decided to give it a whirl to find out…

Week One

My friends and I turn up to the trendy venue, located in Annabel’s nightclub at the back of the Burlington hotel, Dublin 4. Most of the girls are between the ages of 16 – 25 and seem excited to try out pole dancing for the first time. Our instructor turns on the music, we do a basic dance warm up and then it is time to grab a pole each – with three girls to each pole. Our teacher demonstrates something called the ankle spin. She looks as though she is floating through the air. When I try the same thing I feel like a koala that has lost its balance on a tree. There is no dignity or self-respect as girls end up on the ground one by one. We learn an entire beginners routine in our first class including a ‘booty pop’ and lots of grips to hold the pole. Decide practising on an empty Luas before next week is a must! 

Week Two

This week we do push ups and sit ups to warm up which are a killer. We add to the routine from last week and learn a move called the attitude knee spin (impossible) and the backward stag. It just gets harder and I don’t seem to have mastered the last bits yet – if anything I am actually a lot worse then I was last week. It is frustrating. The teacher gets us to stand and try and pull ourselves up on the pole without jumping. She tells me if I keep doing this my arms will get stronger. I don’t believe her – my arms are not pulling me anywhere! Instead manage to pull a muscle in my shoulder. My friend gets a few large and painful bruises. On plus side, we learn some sexy moves – bending backwards on floor like goddess. Vow to practice on my friends pole before next week so we can be better then the others.

Week Three

This week we learn, among other things, the squatting thrust and the showgirl pose. Things do start to get a little easier but not much. What people don’t realise about pole dancing is that it’s not as easy as holding onto the monkey bars down the local park. You are mainly relying on upper body strength and also core strength (your stomach) and your legs. If you have none of these pre-requisites the moves are virtually impossible. We have been taught most of the routine now, which involves moves from forward twirls to backwards twirls (my name for them not the official names). Just know most of twirly things hurt my shoulders. The teacher continually tries to show me how to hold on properly but my hands slide down leaving me in a heap on the floor.

Me trying the pole dancing

Week Four

There are genuinely girls in the class who are starting to look professional at this but, sadly, I am not one of them. Some of the girls have at least mastered control of the pole, instead of flailing wildly around it. Even my bessie mate who comes with me has said she is starting to love it. She has mastered the basics and the teacher nods approvingly whenever she passes her. When she passes me, she always comes over and tells me I am doing it wrong. Start to remember why I hated school all those years ago…

Week Five

Today we learn the chair, the carousel and the windmill. Make a breakthrough on some of the moves we learned in the first and second weeks but my windmill looks more like a can-can dancer with a broken foot. After this class I stay back to watch some of the advanced students in progress – they are amazing and definitely something to aspire to in the future!

Week Six

We all dress up for the final day and we have lots of laughs. Have really enjoyed my few weeks pole dancing despite not being able to master as much as I would have hoped. The class is fun and friendly and you always come away feeling like you have achieved something – even if it’s only having laughed until you cried! My advice for any aspiring pole dancers would be to build up fitness and upper body strength to a basic level before you embark on this class. Getting a head start with a few weeks of press ups and weights for your arms will ensure you will get lots more out of your pole fitness classes. And who knows, within weeks you could find yourself twirling away and impressing everyone at the party with your moves!

For more information on the next course of pole dancing lessons with Just Dance go to www.justdance.ie

Ways To Live Longer

Whether you want to live forever or simply be cryogenically frozen like Britney Spears – living past 100 is completely possible in today’s world. But one thing is for certain if you want to be a centenarian or even a supercentenarian (110 and over) you’ll have to ditch the bad habits! We look at a few ways to improve your health and lifestyle to see you living long enough to see the polar ice caps melt…

1. Get laughing
Finally a reason you can have a laugh rather then do the household chores! A good laugh is like a mini-workout – for example 100 to 200 laughs are equivalent to ten minutes of jogging or rowing, according to a US cardiologist, Dr William Fry. Research also shows that chuckling at a good joke lowers levels of stress hormones, and heightens the activity of the body’s natural defensive killer cells and antibodies. A DVD of your favourite comedian might make the Christmas list then…

2. Mum’s the word
Believe it or not, having a stronger bond with your mother could be a way to live longer. A study by the Harvard Medical School found that 91% of people who weren’t close to their mothers developed a serious disease by midlife, including things such as high blood pressure, alcoholism and heart disease. Only 45% of participants who said they had close relationships with their mothers developed these illnesses.

3. Quit smoking
We all know it’s bad for our health but next time you’re sparking up on a cancer stick, remember the ten years of your fabulous life you could most possibly be giving up. Not to mention the risks you are putting on yourself for developing cancer, strokes, heart disease and emphysema. Smoking might be enjoyable but we bet it’s not worth leaving your loved ones behind.

4. Find your soulmate
Although more and more people are choosing to live the single life – studies show it might be better for your health to be living in wedded bliss. According to a study in 2006 by the University of Chicago – married men live on average 10 years longer and women four years longer then their unmarried counterparts. Similarly, single people spend longer in the hospital, have a greater risk of dying after surgery and are more likely to report higher levels of depression and distress. But don’t rush into anything – divorcing increases your risk of dying earlier even more then staying single!

5. Get a pet
There is more then one reason not to give up your pet in the recession! Studies show, having a moggie or faithful four-legged friend at your side can significantly reduce your stress levels. In fact, the survival rate for heart attack victims who had a pet were 28% higher then patients that didn’t – and they provide a welcome boost after a tough day. Dogs bring the best results so get down to your local animal shelter asap and see your stress rates plummeting!

6. Move to the country
The city might be your friend but the big smoke ain’t called that for nothing. Whether it’s the level of pollution or simply the stress of the rat race – people living in rural areas such as Mayo have a higher expectancy then urban Dub’s. And if you’re not a fan of being miles away from the nearest shop don’t worry. Living near a green open space of some sort can have a similar affect!

7. Make things Rosy
It brings a new meaning to ‘a pocket full of posies’. According to research from Rutgers University just looking at flowers can put you in a brighter mood. In three different studies, receiving flowers was shown to have both immediate and long-term positive effects on emotional outlook. You don’t have to wait for your partner to send them either (as this might mean waiting forever), buy them yourself for a quick boost!

8. Go to bed later
Go to bed later or get up earlier! Studies show sleeping more than eight hours a night may reduce your life expectancy. A study in the Archives of General Psychiatry, US, found that those who get only six to seven hours sleep a night live longer. While bed- worshippers who sleep eight hours or more were shown to have a significantly higher death rate, as were those who got less than four hours.

9. Get it on
Its official – bumping uglies is good for your health! Couples with a healthy sex life can look up to seven years younger than those who don’t, according to a study by Dr David Weeks at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital. This is because sex reduces stress, leads to greater contentment and better sleep. And you don’t even have to have a partner to enjoy the benefits – according to stats, orgasm’s (about 100 per year) can increase your life expectancy by up to eight years! Who said staying healthy was boring?

Living with Aids

Pic posed by model

Most of us probably can’t imagine what it feels like to be told you are HIV positive. But for James O’ Connor his worst nightmare came true in 1991 when at just 27 years of age he was given the horrific news he hoped he’d never hear. “I’ll never forget that weekend,” says James. “The doctor called me into this really cold part of the hospital. I sat down on a chair, he sat on the table and looked me in the eye and then said it, ‘The test has come back, and you’re HIV Positive.’” “It was like a train hitting me full force, on a railway track, on my own, in the middle of the country. I will never forget that – all my plans, everything, slipping away. And then the worst part – how would I tell my family?” James had been sick for a while but he had pushed it to the back of his mind. “I couldn’t face it,” he explains. “In the late 80s HIV meant death – pure and simple.” Having grown up with six siblings on a small farm in the midlands of Ireland, he had taken off for London at the age of 18. It was there, before the age of 21 that he estimates he contracted the virus. At the age of 25 he started to get ill and then by 1991 he had started blacking out. “I had very high blood pressure,” explains James. “I was working very hard. I remember one time driving from Dublin to Cork and I felt a blackout coming on – so I timed it. When I came around it was three hours later.” Finally James went into St. James hospital and was diagnosed with HIV. It was then he had to tell his family. “My twin brother came up to Dublin. That was very difficult because it was like telling a mirror image of yourself that you have Aids. And we both knew that I was probably going to die at that stage. We dealt with it. He was supportive and then I asked him to go home and invite my mother to come up. “When I told my mother I could see the blood draining from her face, she went pure white, but she was supportive in a kind way, without saying too many words. Then she went home and told the rest of my family.” For two years James tried to carry on as normal but it was no use. “I had to retire from work when I was about 29 because I started to become sicker and sicker.” James explains how the physical sickness was not as bad as the mental torment of his disease. “There were two things I had to deal with. One was the physical sickness of going to hospital – the other part was hiding it from people, thinking: what if my neighbours find out in the local town? That was the worst part – the social isolation.” “When I was working in the hospital in 1992, I happened to cut my hand when I was walking through a door. “About ten minutes later I was back in a huge room with lots of people and the supervisor said, ‘James, you left some blood on the door!’” “I calculated that the virus would have died within two minutes so I said, ‘Ah sure wipe it off!’ and he shouted back. ‘F**k off! I don’t want to catch Aids!’ This was in front of 32 people. It was my hell – that was my fear, my stigma, what if people found out – it was utterly hell.” In the Spring of 1997, HAART – the Highly Active Anti-Retroviral, started to kick in he started to feel well again. “When I got well I made a decision. It was then I said I needed support, and it was then that I found Open Heart House.” Founded in 1997, Open Heart House is Ireland’s largest peer support network of HIV positive people. With the support of people in Open Heart House James became more public around his HIV status, however, he still won’t be photographed for the press. “People living with HIV can be your sister your brother, your partner your friend, your employer or your employer or employee,” says James. “ “At that time my self esteem was so low I was dragging it around in a suitcase. Today my self esteem and self confidence is pretty okay thanks to organisations such as Open Heart House. For me, knowing someone finally understood after years of isolation was better then winning the lotto. And for that, I will forever be grateful.” To mark World Aids Day Wednesday 1st December, Open Heart House in partnership with MAC Cosmetics and Abbot Pharmaceuticals took part in a 24 hour Sleep Out in Dublin city centre. For more information go to www.openhearthouse.ie

Social Network… How Facebook Can Ruin Our Dating Lives

Even if we’ve lived most of our lives without it, most of us probably can’t remember what life was like BF or Before Facebook. From the simple status updates to the more extreme and from declarations of love to nasty break-ups, Facebook has become integral in most of our lives.
It now has a staggering 500 million active users worldwide. And while it’s a wonderful way to stay in touch with friends, it’s now a well known fact that Facebook makes dating far more complicated than it used to be. So with the new movie Social Network out next week, we look at how Facebook has made finding security in love more difficult.

1. Overanalyzing

From the smallest update to the fact that he has replied to two other comments but not yours. If you’re already feeling insecure or suspicious, your partner’s Facebook feed can only add fuel to the fire. For example, who are those three girls he has suddenly befriended? And at the risk of sounding like Nikki from BB7 – “Who is she?!” (that girl in the photo your boyfriend was tagged in on his last night out with the lads.)
“Facebook nearly ruined my relationship with my ex,” says Michelle Wright a journalist from Dublin. “I found out he was sneakily exchanging messages with the girl he had been in love with for years and I wasn’t impressed!” As a result Michelle found it was easy to get obsessive. “He’d leave his Facebook open at home and I found myself stalking him to see what they were saying to one another. Eventually I confronted him and we broke up – the trust was totally gone from both sides.” But even if it doesn’t get to this, do you need or want the worry of overanalyzing what everything means?

2. Ghost of the Ex-mas past

Facebook is full of exes. Ex-friends, ex-boyfriends, ex-bosses. So while checking your recent ex-boyfriends page might seem like a devious yet good idea at the time, you’ll only end up hurt. Instead of getting over him, you’ll inevitably spend the rest of the week pining and jealous after you see he’s been flirting with that girl from his work or class who you always hated. “It’s got to a stage that if I break up with a fella and he is on Facebook I delete him straight away,” says Naomi Jessup, 25, from Waterford. “It’s really annoying when they update their status all the time with things like: ‘I’m so in love with my new girl.’ And they put cheesy photos up of the two of them. It’s just sad.” If you don’t want to delete them try clicking ‘hide’ in the news feed until you’re over it and resist checking their page. Or if you’re the dumpee try and restrain your dating comments, at least until your ex recovers.  

3. Jumping the gun

It’s the most classic Facebook dating dilemma: Who makes a relationship official on Facebook first? It’s one of the most awkward milestones but practically mandatory. What if your partner doesn’t like the idea of people knowing his business? It would be embarrassing to declare yourself to be in a relationship if your significant other didn’t reciprocate. And the relationship status dilemma can have other dangers too.
“My boyfriend let me know it was over by changing his Facebook relationship status to single,” says Aoibheann Maher, 21, from Dublin. “Obviously it hurt, it was probably the worst way he could have done it – but the most embarrassing part was everyone else finding out before me.” Then there is the question of soon is it okay to switch back to single when it ends? Doing so right away seems cold, but holding on for too long can make you look like you haven’t accepted the relationship has ended.  

4. Everlasting

Your Facebook profile is a record of everything you’ve done since you created it – try scrolling back and you’ll see. You might be surprised of the things that are still there – angry boyfriend’s posts, maudlin status updates – the whole lot. To make things even more frustrating, you can’t modify the privacy settings for things you’ve already posted. If there’s things you don’t want your new boyfriend to see – you’re better off deleting it or better, don’t put your whole life on there. And don’t assume he won’t scroll back and have a nose. After all, Facebook stalking is the new black  

5. The Jealousy wars

Let’s assume for arguments sake that you are popular girl with an army of guy friends. Perhaps before you met your new boyfriend you had innocent Facebook flirtation with them. But what if your new boyfriend can’t handle it? As a result you might find he becomes very jealous very quickly, ruining an otherwise good relationship. This proves that Facebook brings us too close to people too quickly. The boundaries for new relationships are often crossed too soon. Similar to dating someone who works in your office, you can’t control the exposure you have, and that can be a problem.

Dress To Suit Your Shape

While we all might want to be a size ten with Angelina’s lips and Shakira’s hips – life means we come in all shapes and sizes. You might not be the ideal type in your own mind but help is always at hand to help you make the most of your body – by diet, exercise and even how you dress. So whether you are an Apple a Pear or even a Celery pay attention to the following tips and embrace your differences.

Petite

Definition: Pint sized and smaller in height. 

Diet and Exercise: Extra weight can be more obvious on smaller frames and it is also harder for you to lose weight then for your taller mates. The sad fact is that the smaller you are in height the lesser calories you require to keep you going. But that doesn’t mean you should deny yourself. The key is long term change in your lifestyle. Sticking to a regular exercise routine means you can consume more calories. Also try having smaller portions of your favourite food when you have cravings, and when you are snacking stick to nuts, fruit and low fat yogurts if you can. 

Fashion Tip: Horizontal sailor stripes make you look shorter and wider. Opt for vertical stripes on the top or the bottom (just not at the same time!). Vertical lines elongate and slim the body, this effect can also be achieved with vertical seams and zip-front styles.

Beauty: Make your petite frame stand out with a shimmer of body lotion and some sparkling jewellery.

Celeb Twin: Eva Longoria Parker, Reece Witherspoon and Jessica Parker.

Pear- Shaped 

Definition: Weight stored on hips, bottom and thighs – often with a slim waist and flat stomach

Diet and Exercise: You’ve got toned arms and a flat tummy so lucky you! Your best feature is your nicely defined back and slim arms. But if you still worry about your lower half then a good way to keep in shape is not skip meals. By doing this the weight will merely come off the places you don’t need to lose it. For maximum calorie blasting try work outs such as rowing or cross-training – and keep eating, but cut down on the calories in each meal by choosing lower fat options and smaller portion sizes.

Fashion Tip: Choose A-line dresses or babydoll dresses which will skim over any trouble areas and de-emphasise your lower half.

Beauty: Body brushing can help rev up the circulation on the bum and thigh areas and improve your skins texture.

Celeb Twin: Hayden Panettiere and Kate Winslet

Hour-glass

 Definition: Shoulders and hips are similar width – waist pinches in, curvy figure with full chest but in proportion.

Diet and Exercise: Your best feature is your shapely waist. Men adore 50s siren hourglass figures. You tend to be reasonably well balanced and can adapt to most types of training. Cross training, cycling, running and rowing are all great forms of cardiovascular or aerobic exercise for the hourglass. In order to maintain that great shape a balanced diet is also key. Try tweaking your meals by chopping a banana into your cereal to help you get your five a day, or try fruit as a snack instead of that chocolate bar. 

Fashion Tip: Cinch in your great curves with a statement belt and don’t be afraid to flaunt your assets!

Beauty: A subtle sheen can make limbs seems slimmer so slather on silky body oil which will keep skin soft too.

Celeb Twin: Eva Mendes and Marilyn Monroe

Celery

Definition: Shoulders, waist and hips are similar width. Athletic, thin and boyish figure.

Diet and Exercise: Lucky for you eating habits are rarely a problem and chances are you can eat mostly what you want without having to watch your weight. With the body of a model, you might be the envy of all your mates, but secretly sometimes you envy their curves. Try and incorporate 30 minutes of exercise into your daily routine to keep your athletic figure tight and toned. Make sure you don’t skip on meals. 

Fashion Tip: Choose horizontal stripes to give up-and-down figures more curves.

Beauty: Try some bronzer or fake tan to give your leans limbs an extra healthy glow.

Celeb Twin: Cameron Diaz and Gwyneth Paltrow

Apple Shape

Definition: Tend to hold weight around abdomen – bottom small and flat. Generous waist, thin legs and narrow hips.

Diet and Exercise: Cardiovascular training work is crucial for apples’ heart health, and in order to reduce fat around the internal organs. The apples amongst us need to take care to protect their (often delicate) ankles and knees, particularly if very overweight. For those heavier apples, rowing and cycling are a great place to begin cardiovascular training, as bodyweight is supported reducing impact. Apples need to maximise their calorie burning potential and build lean muscle tissue to help fire up their metabolism, so exercises that move more than one joint at a time are a must.

Fashion Tip: Tops can be low cut, and should go in under the bust, then flare out over the stomach – this is the most flattering shape for the apple. Add dainty wedge shaped shoes with dresses to show off slender lower legs.

Beauty: As an apple shaped woman, you want to select jewelry that highlights your face or thinner limbs. Steer clear of long necklaces that end below the bust as these will draw the focus to your stomach.

Celeb Twin: Catherine Zeta-Jones, Liz Hurley and Drew Barrymore

Irish Food Blogs

In the past, when an Irish food enthusiast decided they wanted to take the frying pan into their own hands, so to speak, they had to leaf through the floury pages of an old cookbook relic, passed down through the family. There, between the sugar stuck pages, the recipe was sought out with strict instructions on how to prepare – leaving nothing for the beginner to work with apart from a musty smell of cooking passed. 

Since the age of Irish food bloggers that has emerged all this has changed, of course.

The word of mouth style blogs that have emerged contain everything from recipes to handy, honest tips and have become the everyday cooking guide. With a domain of answers to a gamut of questions – the food enthusiast can discover a world of answers.

www.thegoodmoodfoodblog.com

When it comes to improving your health and mood all while eating delicious food – Donal Skehan has the answer. Donal lives in Dublin and he believes variety is the spice of life. His website features recipes such as Meatballs in Spicy Sauce, Scrambled Eggs with Chilli Jam, Chanterelles with Garlic Toast, Cucumber, Fennel and Lentil Salad and other mouth-watering and easy mood-boosting recipes. Winner of Best Irish Food Blog at the Irish Blog Award’s 2010, this budding chef is building a respectable name for himself on Irish turf. The young Jamie Oliver (easy on the eye and prowess in the kitchen) also has his own recipe book out – Good Mood Food: Simple Healthy Home Cooking, which is available to buy on Amazon.

Www.cheapeats.ie

Cheap Eats motto is ‘tough times, great food’ which is fairly apt in today’s economy. Among the mandatory recipes such as Tandoori Chicken Kebabs and Homemade Fish and Chips, they post up daily advice such as product reviews, money saving tips, price comparisons and where to get the best bargains on food and drink in specific Irish supermarkets. Their recipes are cheap and delicious and they boast restaurant and take away reviews, food events, competitions and more. All in all, Cheapeats.ie is a frank and straightforward yet fun blog for the food conscious and thifty among us!

Www.englishmum.com

Englishmum.com is exactly what you get when you put together a passion for food with an ordinary mother’s access to the internet. Having moved to the West of Ireland in 2006 from England, this 40-year-old mother of two decided to start her own food blog. Full of dry wit and entertaining (to the point that you’ll waste an awful lot of time on there when you should be doing other things) – the blog features her own tried and tested recipes such as Chicken and Ham Pie, Paprika Chicken and Strawberry Pavalova. She even features her own little competitions! A must for all mothers, from Ireland and further afield. 

www.thedailyspud.com 

Unusual recipes such as gooseberry curd and hot whiskey sauce sets this blog apart from the rest. But The Daily Spud is Irish through and through. Winner of Best Food and Drink Blog in 2009, they claim to deliver ‘a bellyful of daily delight and foodie satisfaction.’ When you log on you can access recipes for pasta dishes, curries, preserves, dips, gratins, salads, cheeses, cocktails and many more. The Daily Spud is a conglomerate of down to earth explanations twinned with both the exotic and delicious and the pure and simple.

Www.foodfight.ie

FoodFight.ie aggregates all the tastiest content from around the Irish blogosphere. From recipes to restaurant reviews, news, tid bits and more, they also feature original content written by some of Ireland’s top food bloggers such as recipes and information from cheapeats.ie and thedailyspud.com. It is also updated several times a day so you can be sure of lots and lots of new information right at your fingertips, all day, every day.

 Drink

 www.sourgrapes.ie

Lar, the writer of sourgrapes.ie travelled extensively around Italy, France, Australia and New Zealand which he says gave him a perspective on the places, the people and the stories behind what goes into every glass. In 2007, with an interest in wine he started sourgrapes.ie, for an Irish perspective on the world of wine. He recommends “wines I like and which I think are genuinely good value.” It features an Irish Wine Map, wine book guide, an A-Z of grapes – news, tid-bits and videos, and of course, the all important wine reviews.

Seven Men to Avoid Dating

Mr Right isn’t always easy to find. Some people meet theirs without any effort at all and others have to spend years kissing frogs. From the serial monogamist to the player and all the ones in between, it’s sometimes difficult to see a light at the end of the (dating) tunnel. We look at the seven men, or frogs, that you’re better off throwing back in the pond…

 

Mr Player

Elin Woods is learning what it feels like to have been burned by Mr Player, aka Tiger Woods. And it’s surprising how many girls fall foul of this type of man’s charms. But while he might have all the right moves, Mr Player isn’t making any real emotional connection. He’ll make you feel really good for a short amount of time. What with sweet nothings, grand gestures and nights of passion – it will feel like a whirlwind holiday romance. But while you’re browsing through wedding magazines picking out tiaras, keep an eye out for the tell-tale signs that you’re not the only woman he’s seducing.

Mr Sponger

“Any spare change love?” Hardly the words you want to hear from the future father of your children – and yet many of us are happy to date spongers. He may claim to be a struggling artist and that his band is his life but that doesn’t mean you should be paying his bills. Do you really want to be handing over beer money ten years down the line when you’ve got a mortgage, childcare and bills to pay? Money can’t buy you love. But there’s a big difference between gold digging and expecting your partner to pull his financial weight.

Mr Mammy’s Boy

It’s great when a guy gets on well with his mother, it shows he’s sensitive, he likes women and he cares about his family. But with Mr Mammy’s boy its different – this isn’t mother love, it’s smother love and she’ll want to be involved in every aspect of his life whether you like it or not. If he attempts to break free she’ll use her best weapon – guilt. He’ll be forced to take sides and it won’t be yours. You’ll always be the other woman in Mr Mammy’s Boy’s life.

Mr Controlling

Everyone likes a man to take charge occasionally, but not all of the time. At the early stages of a relationship, Mr Controlling often starts out picking up the bill, whisking you away on romantic holidays or surprising you with clothes and jewellery. There’s no decision-making to be done because he’s thought of everything. But be careful, this often leads to doing the thinking for both of you. If he’s already checking up on what you’re doing or who you’re with, constantly criticising or even isolating you from family and friends, you could be on the path to ruin.

Mr Child Hater

Kids can be a nightmare sometimes, but they’re still just kids. And as you go through life, they are difficult to avoid. Ask yourself what he is going to do when nieces, nephews or friends’ children come round to visit. And what if you do end up actually having children together? He might not put in the investment your children will demand, leaving everyone in the family feeling short-changed. At worst, he might even be hostile or violent – an unforgivable environment in which to raise kids.

Mr Addict

Not all addicts end up in the gutter – many hold down high-powered jobs – from bus drivers and builders to lawyers and doctors. When you first meet him, Mr Addict might seem like the life and soul of the party. Sooner or later, however, the non-stop party turns into non-stop hell. Whether its drugs or drink or even gambling, the addict needs to deceive you to get his fix. The clues might be physical depending on the addiction. But they can be psychological too, for example, becoming irritable, secretive or detached. Date an addict and you’ll always be at the mercy of their rollercoaster existence – so ditch Mr Addict before your own life suffers.

Mr Never Been Single

Mr Never Been Single may have never been unfaithful but he’s always been in a couple. So is he really interested in any meaningful long-term commitment with you? For him, the best bit about a relationship is the first flush of romance. Nothing beats that thrill. But what happens when the honeymoon period wears off? How can the reality of long-term commitment ever compete with the novelty of a new fling? Mr Never Been Single will love you one minute and leave you the next. He is using serial monogamy as a way of getting regular, hassle-free sex without any of the inconveniences of long-term commitment. How romantic.

Your Relationship CV

Just like hiring a new employee, starting a new relationship can be a complicated affair. You are looking for loyalty, trust and someone who understands your needs. Meanwhile the past of our new partners can be like a magical door you are never to open yet poses all too inviting (in the form of Facebook stalking for example!)
If a new partner got dumped for cheating or having a fetish for sheep – you’d rather know sooner, rather then later, right? Similarly, why should you trust your heart with someone whose track record may leave a lot to be desired?

Education

You usually start your CV with your qualifications. As far as relationships are concerned this might be whether you have been married before, when your last serious relationship occurred or your general opinions on relationships. Most people lie or at least exaggerate on their work CV. This rarely benefits either the employer or the employee. Relationships are similar. For your own sake and theirs, being honest about your past is important.

Moving On

If he finds out that you are still married three months into the relationship it will not bode well for mutual trust. Similarly if you cheated in your last relationship – let them know outright instead of worrying when they will find out! You have nothing to be ashamed of if it was in your past. Explain the mistakes you made, what you learned from it and why it wouldn’t happen again. If you were the one who was cheated on, be honest but try to avoid sounding bitter. Explain why you won’t tolerate infidelity but then drop the matter. Your new guy shouldn’t bear the brunt of the blame for your ex-partners indiscretions.

The Ghost of the Relationship Past

Don’t overdo it obsessing about your new partners ex. Checking them out on Facebook once is okay. Checking them out 20 times a day, driving by their house and Googling their name is not. Remember, there is a reason they are an ex. You are the person your partner has chosen to be with now. You are more likely to last the distance if you appear self-confident and secure so don’t push them to reveal any more then they want about their past.

Experience

Whether your ex was a banker or a lawyer, or whether he was he bad guy who had been in and out of prison – all of your relationship experiences make you who you are today. Whether you had one relationship for seven years or whether you flitted from guy to guy playing the field, it will affect your views on relationships as a whole.
You might be more experienced at getting to know someone and keeping it light and fun – or you might be more used to a stable, long term match where everything is predictable.

Making this clear can be important at the beginning to avoid misunderstandings. For example saying “I’ve just come out of a long relationship and am getting used to dating again” can avoid confusion. Or: “I’ve been playing the field for a few years and now I’m ready to settle down with someone special,” can reassure someone they are not just another notch on your bedpost.

Skills

Focus on putting across your positive points rather then your negatives. On a work CV you’d hardly put “Always late” or “Lazy”. It’s not bragging to say “My friends would say I am loyal” or “My friends have told me I am great fun to be around.” Your new date wants to find out more about you and he can only know what you tell him. Focusing on the negative and telling him “I am a total nag” or “I’m very clingy” will send him running for the hills. Just like a career CV, don’t lie but play down your flaws.

The Future

You have to tread carefully when talking about the future of your relationship with your new partner. You may have tried your name beside their surname already (in your head), but talking about marriage and kids on the third date is a recipe for disaster! When you go for a job interview you wouldn’t start by telling the manager you wanted to take over the company within a few months! With a career, you go in accepting your position at the bottom and hoping to climb the ranks and get promotions when you have earned them. The same goes for a relationship. The trial period is to see if you are compatible – not for staking ridiculous aims and expectations. This sort of pressure can cause you to self-destruct before you have given it a chance.

References

One thing you can never ask your new partner for is a list of references. But try to avoid giving your own references out too. “My ex thinks I’m a psycho” or “He moved country to get away from me” are not going to make you seem appealing to your new man. Similarly, “We still see one another all the time” may make your new partner nervous. Leaving the references off your relationship CV may be the best decision yet!

Ten Foods to Reduce Stress

It’s not for nothing they call stress the ‘slow killer’. With the recession and the increasing pressure to live in the fast lane, we have never been exposed so highly to it. And you may not realise it, but having an argument with a friend or receiving that scary credit card bill can make your body react just as strongly as if you were facing a life-or-death situation. Long-term exposure to stress can lead to serious health problems and disrupts nearly every system in your body. It can raise blood pressure, suppress the immune system, increase the risk of heart attack and stroke, contribute to infertility and speed up the aging process. Long-term stress can even rewire the brain, leaving you more vulnerable to anxiety and depression. The current recession proves we are a nation in the grip of stress. In a nationwide survey by the Samaritans, over 59 per cent of people cited problems with debts and money as their main concern with almost a third of people describing 2009 as a bad year or their worst ever. So while you might not be able to control the stress in your life, you can control your eating habits. We look at the top ten stress-busting foods. 1. Complex Carbohydrates – These include among others – brown rice, high fibre breakfast cereals, beans, lentils, bran and barley. In terms of stress control, complex carbohydrates encourage the body to produce serotonin, a stress relieving chemical. Eating these foods should allow you to maintain a sense of calm, even when things are a bit crazy.
2. Asparagus – Asparagus is a handy yet tasty vegetable to include in most dinners – from simple meat and two veg combinations to more complicated recipes. It is rich in folic acid, a B vitamin that is necessary to prevent irritability, fatigue, depression and confusion.

3. Avocados – Avocados have tons of B vitamins in them. They help to lower cholesterol and protect the body from stress and damage. Also, the high potassium levels in avocados are helpful for managing stress. Try eating a small serving of avocado each day to manage your weight and balance your feelings of anxiety better. 4. Nuts – Go nutty and have a helping of Brazil nuts or almonds. Almonds are rich in vitamin E which helps to fight some of the damage caused by stress. Brazil nuts, meanwhile, contain lots of zinc and selenium, which also fights free radicals.
5. Chicken Breast – Chicken is a great source of tryptophan, which can help you sleep better and elevate your mood. Contrary to popular belief, chicken breast actually contains slightly more tryptophan than turkey. Buy free range and you’re likely to see even more benefits.
6. Low Fat and Skimmed Milk – Milk actually helps your nerves stay healthy and, as it can stabilize your blood sugar, it also stops you from feeling those extreme highs and lows. But stay away from caffeine with your milk if you’re stressed, it will just make you feel worse.
7. Panax Ginseng – Go along to your local herb shop and have a browse for natural stress reducing supplements. Panax Ginseng is an ancient Chinese herb that is popular both in the West and China. It was originally used for all manner of conditions. In the western world, however, it is used for two primary issues – both stress and aging.
8. Chamomile or peppermint tea – Substitute one of your daily coffees for Chamomile tea and peppermint tea and see your stress levels go down. Warm chamomile tea is comforting for adults and children during an illness or times of stress. Peppermint tea is easy on the stomach and can also be used to increase concentration.
9. Dark leafy greens – Dark leafy greens such as kale, Swiss chard, spinach and collards are B-complex vitamin rich and known for calming your nerves. These B vitamins are crucial for stress prevention because they are needed to create serotonin, a chemical that helps to boost your mood.
10. Chocolate – Now you have an excuse! Even though chocolate usually contains some caffeine, it’s also one of the best foods to eat in a stress relief diet. Most doctors still can’t figure out why chocolate makes us feel so good, although some think it might be the antioxidants chocolate is loaded with. Just don’t eat too much of it or you’ll be even more stressed than before!

Creation – Film Review

THE STARS: Jennifer Connelly, Paul Bettany, Jeremy Northam

THE STORY: The true life struggle of Charles Darwin as he battles between religion and logic, to write his master work ‘On the Origin of Species’.

It would be a pity if anyone stayed away from this film because of its subject matter. ‘Controversy’ is the first word that comes to mind when you mention a film that questions blind faith and religion. But the struggle of this intelligent and emotional man as he comes to terms with his theory of evolution is probably the best portrayed in a film in years, while the topic of religion is dealt with sensitively and fairly.  

Charles Darwin (Paul Bettany) is a thinker. Set in the 1850s he has lost a child, Annie, for which he blames himself. While being rallied on by fellow scientists to write his 1859 work ‘On the Origin of Species’ he struggles with his conscience to defy all he has ever known – family and religion.

His wife Emma (Jennifer Connelly), his children and his health all suffer as he embarks on a mental struggle to put pen to paper. With plot twists that will leave you on the end of your seat – and scenes that will have you in tears, this film is one hell of an emotional journey.

Director, Jon Amiel, has left not much room for improvement – the film is realistic and the cinematography is brilliant. The only vice is that sometimes it feels like the film is trying too hard to remain impartial to either religion or evolution, and for that the plot may have suffered slightly.

THE VERDICT: The acting is fantastic and the subject matter is fascinating. Very emotional but, overall, an enjoyable and thought provoking film.