The Happiness Hypothesis

The whole universe is change and life itself is but what you deem it. (Marcus Aurelius)

What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger. (Nietszche)

Do not seek to have events happen as you want them to, but instead want them to happen as they do happen, and your life will go well. (Epictetus)

The second sentence of the Declaration of Independence in the United States assures people the right to ‘Life, Liberty and the pursuit of happiness”. Happiness: as fleeting as the moon sailing out from behind a cloud, only to disappear again in an instant. So what is happiness? After reading this book, The Happiness Hypothesis, I think I’m a little closer to knowing the answer!

Fact-hoarders, those with a general interest in psychology and the types that never want to stop learning would love this book. Johnathon Haidt’s work is not just another self-help quick-fix manual that teem countless crowded bookshops (Dukan diet for the mind anyone?), its more of a mixture of modern pop-psychology, biology, fable, literature and ancient tradition; mixing Eastern and Western philosophies together into a vertiable soup of information.
If a veritable soup of information isn’t your cup of tea, it’s also got alot to offer on the fascinating facts horizon too. 
As many people who read it may find, its not a quick fix to get happy, more of an interesting philosphical debate on what happiness is. That said, you inately feel more intelligent after reading it and incidentally, I found, a little happier too. Like Bryson or even Gladwell, I feel Haidt manages to temper facts and essay style writing with a more fluid, conversational, storytelling approach ensuring the reader stays hooked.
Personally, this book couldn’t have come at a better time for me (you could blame fate, or perhaps somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind I knew I needed to go to the bookshop, then the Science and Psychology section and then stand there for half an hour trying to juggle among other things, a Starbucks and a book, while I read away. Or is my brain confabulating to make sense of why I did what I did perhaps? And I just settled on the idea of ‘fate’?!)
As Haidt says: “Moral judgment is like aesthetic judgment. When you see a painting, you usually know instantly and automatically whether you like it. If someone asks you to explain your judgment, you confabulate.” 
Confabulation or not, for me it was sightly eerie finding this book at this time. Having almost completed my Foundation Certificate in Psychotherapy, a path I have been on since around last October, it is helping nicely to round up the end of ths year of my course and much of the book puts into words concepts and ideas I had already discovered for myself, but perhaps never verbalised in such a way as is put in the book. I’m also reading it in tandem with another book about psychology, called When Panic Attacks, by Aine Tubridy, which couldn’t be more suited to reading at the same time!
When Panic Attacks discusses how evolution may not find happiness useful for our ongoing survival. Finding a constant state of zen-like happiness may not be as easy as you hoped, since, unfortunately, the malediction of the human race is that we’re hard-wired to focus on the negative. For example, if you were building a fish that responded in the same way to danger as it did to positive opportunity, things wouldn’t work out in the fish’s favour when a shark came.
It wasn’t until Freud, and the arrival of psychoanalysis, that we recognised that perhaps our own minds were not always transparent – that they might be full of a a hell of alot of things that we aren’t aware of. Lurking in the corners of our brain, so much information exists that we might not be immediately privvy to.  
At the same time, by training the mind, repeating different behaviour again and again until it eventually becomes normal, you can train yourself to be happier, more in touch with your thoughts and fulfilled.
One of the most important things you can learn from the Haidt book?
That your body is on your side and not to disregard your emotions.
In the beginning of the book it dicusses how the mind is divided between conscious processes and automatic processes. These two parts are like a rider on the back of an elephant. The rider’s inability to control the elephant by force explains many puzzles about our mental life, particularly why we have such trouble with weakness of will. This can be identifyable in the kind of situations such as knowing you want to or need to lose weight but going ahead and eating what you want to anyway! I think we can all identify with our rider knowing what we should have to eat, but our elephant refusing to take the healthy option, (instead opting for the chicken wings!)
While this might seem to be contrary to our survival and the elephant might seem rather annoying to the somewhat controlling rider – we also need to recognise that the elephant is very important. It is the emotions. Its the gut feeling and its protecting our survival. It might not be cold reason or logic, but its knowledge is implicit. Only by learning to listen equally to the rider and the elephant, can we become balanced individuals.
Similarly, in When Panic Attacks, Aine Tubridy discusses how panic attacks might seem unreasonable and silly but when you come to focus on the deeper reason behind why they’re happening you will come to see they not a malfunction, they are the body trying to tell you something is wrong. The body trying to keep you safe from danger. She explains how under hypnosis several clients came to understand the root of their panic attacks by understanding where they began. When they found out where they began, it all made logical sense – their automatic nervous system or as Haidt calls it ‘the elephant’ was simply saying ‘you’ve been threatened before in this situation you need to get to safety’. It was the body doing its job.
So in fact, rather then being stupid, the brain was being smart. It had bypassed the logical side of the panic attack victims brain, because our danger responses are immediately hard-wired to respond without us needing to think about it. If we needed to think about it logically for a few moments, we might be gonners – like the fish and the shark. In panic attacks, it is that part that takes over – the automatic response.
As to why a panic attack victim might lie about why they fled the room? Haidt throws up an answer – “In moral arguments, the rider goes beyond being just an advisor to the elephant; he becomes a lawyer, fighting in the court of public opinion to persuade others of the elephant’s point of view.”
The elephant left the room because he was scared, the rider explained that he left because it was too hot or because it was too crowded or because he needed the loo – even though all three of these excuses might have been lies.
(As a panic attack sufferer myself for three years now, and having had it affect my life profoundly, I know they come not as a logical concious response, merely as a hardwired response and until the cause is found, or a change occurs in the sufferer they can often be very, very difficult to ‘cure’.)
As Aine Tubridy explains, in todays society, where success and alpha male and female behaviours are rewarded heavily, it can become almost pathological for us to ignore our genuine inner needs, pushing them to the back of our minds – this is where panic attacks can originate.
Similarly, today’s society can harbour an immense culture of ‘negative thinking’. With criticism so rife these days, everywhere from TV to magazines, who can’t identify with constantly focusing on the negative sides to ourselves and our lives more than the positive – writing the compliments in the sand, the criticism in stone?

Who among us can say we’ve always taken problems’philosphically’  especially when something awful happens to you or a loved one, or even if you’re just having ‘one of those mornings’. When fifty things are going wrong at once, it can be difficult to sit back and take it philosophically! But doings this more often, might be the secret to happiness and health.
To take something “philosophically” means to accept a great misfortune without weeping or even suffering. We use this term in part because of the calmness, self-control, and courage that three ancient philosophers – Socrates, Seneca, and Boethius – showed while they awaited their executions.
After a liftetime of happiness, one of these philosophers ended up in jail awainting execution. After sobbing for weeks and asking “why me?”, a vision of Lady Philosophy came to him and explained Fortunes capricious and flaky nature and asked him why he thought she should have stayed with him for life, already knowing her nature? “No man can be secure until he has been forsaken by fotune.” Thus the philospher wrote a book which has comforted and inspired people for centuries and bravely faced his death.
Another tip to remember is that ”adverse fortune is more beneficial than good fortune; the latter only makes men greedy for more, but adversity makes them strong!”
As they say – what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
So how can this book help you? Or more importantly how can you help yourself change your own life for the better?
For me, I’d say commitment to change is essential. Epiphanies, such as those brought by these type of books, can be life-altering but most fade in days or weeks. The rider can’t just decide to change and then order the elephant to go along with the program. Lasting change can come only by retraining the elephant, and that’s hard to do, but in psychotherapy this can be possible, I believe. 
As for adversity? For me, certainly, the adversity I’ve had to face with panic attacks has made me stronger for the positive and its only now, after years of wondering “why me?!” I can look at it and feel positive and blessed by the journey my life has taken and is taking. I accept it now. Panic attacks weren’t my fault. I didn’t ask for them, I did ask for them to go away but they didn’t and that is life. They happened. Shit happens!
In the bigger picture, I’m a hell of a lucky girl, with alot to look forward to in my life, and a million things to be glad about, so you might say I’m taking it “philosphically” now! 

Other issues Haidt covers is the importance in society of reciprocity. That and our inevitable, constant critic.
Part of our ultra-sociality is that we are constantly trying to manipulate others perceptions of ourselves, without realising that we are doing so. We see the faults of others clearly, but are blind to our own. Hypocrisy is part of human morality and sets us all up for lives of conflict. Part of being happy, Haidt discusses, is learning how to take off the moral glasses and see the world as it really is. Difficult indeed as we are all relatively brainwashed since birth and an amalgamation of all of our experiences to date. This is the only line I might have to disagree on in fact - ”To see the world as it really is?” Is this ever possible when reality is only what we percieve, a condition of the mind?
Perhaps its more a case of ‘seeing others in a more balanced fashion’ and loving and accepting people for who they are. Constantly channelling hate and anger at others is only a significant telltale sign of how hateful and angry one is with themselves. Changing others won’t make anyone happy, as no one can change his neighbour - only himself and how they themselves view things. As I often laugh at, to myself, when I feel bad at something nasty someone has said to me, or hostile behaviour I’ve experienced: “You can never hate me more than you hate yourself right now!”
Learning to love yourself for who you really are is important. It leads to having acceptance and love, or in some cases where cruel, harsh people are involved, pity, for those around you. Its not about denying your own anger, but about dealing with it by investigating where its coming from and watching where its going.
Most importantly to remember is this: nothing brings happiness until you are content with it!
Many might attribute happiness to a healthy family, others to a successful career; the sports car they saved for or perhaps even the ability to live their lives without being disturbed; contented and not stressed.
All of us claim to want happiness. But how many of us actually achieve it in our lifetimes?
How many of us look for it somewhere far away in the distance and can’t see it, right on our own doorstep?
James Oppenheim, American poet and early follower of Carl Jung once said: The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet.
I’d be inclined to agree.

Do Mean Girls Ever Grow Up?

Today I saw something that made me inherently ashamed to be female.
I was out and about in town enjoying the bank holiday weekend and I stopped into a bar/restaurant to get some lunch. Beside me were two 25 year old girls (I know this because they were bemoaning how they weren’t going to celebrate their 26th birthdays “like, later this month because it was like, Oh My God so depressing”)
Now I’m no stranger to bitchiness among women. I lived, ate breathed and slept the damn bitchy scene from the age of 12 when I went to all girls school for six, nightmarish years. But even still, occasionally I get reminded of how bitchy women can really be and I just feel disgusted at womens ability to tear one another down!

So there was this one girl, girl A- lets call her Queen Bee – and her sidekick, who didn’t say much.
Queen Bee was in the process of moving to London soon to work for a beauty company in the sales department (of which by the way, she basically ran. It was a multi-million dollar company, but no one else did any work at all except her). She had an ex boyfriend in London, who was ‘so selfish’, but who she could ‘imagine getting back with’ because he was like ‘so in love with her’ but she was like ‘so freaked out when he bought her tickets to a musical for Christmas?’ But, she mused, it WOULD be nice to like, have someone to look after her, or you know, ‘be there when I get home, like?’ (It was debatable if she even liked this guy but did want to have him back for some reason).
Then she went on to bitch about basically everyone she knew. The girl she worked with ’I mean she NEVER comes in on time, she SO can’t follow rules or regulations?”. Random people “Oh my god I hate that girl so much its not even funny,” and their friends “Im not being bad but she’s not even pretty…” 
The ironic part was that after laying into the entire world and their dog for a full hour (sheepy didn’t say much) she rounded it up by saying something like “Oh well, they’ll like, get their karma…”
Karma? I wanted to turn around and say: That is rich coming from you!
Its not very often people in random places rile me up. But this sort of ignorance was really breathtaking.
I suppose I might have understood it coming from a 16 year old, maybe even a 20 year old. But from a woman of 25, just a year younger then me, I found this immature attitude depressing.
What do people gain from bringing down everyone around them? Haven’t they an ounce of empathy or sympathy or open mindedness to think what it might be like for the people they are tearing down? To wonder if they aren’t perfect themselves, or to wonder why these people have these supposed flaws? I guess I look at that girl from today, and girl, thats really all she is, not a woman, because a grown woman really wouldn’t talk like that – and I feel sorry for her.  I feel sorry that in this day an age the only power females often think they have is in tearing each other to shreds.
The sooner they realise the real power comes not from hating others, but from loving yourself, the better.
It always reminds me of that scene in Mean Girls where the teacher says: “When you call each other bitches and hoes it just gives men the right to call you bitches and hoes.”  Never was spoken a truer word…

Tips For Veggie Living

Detoxing, health kick, change in eating habits, trying to lower your cholesterol - whatever you want to call it, watching what you eat can never be a bad thing. That said, going veggie can be the way forward if you’re trying to get back into tip top shape.

I personally, always find veggie living a breeze as there are a million and one ways to eat amazing food while not eating meat. But if you’re looking for some handy tips I’ve put together a quick post about this. Its not comprehensive but I may update with more info as I find out some more ideas for recipes and food shops in Dublin!

Tip One - Buy a blender – Trying to go on a health kick but your not the biggest health food fan? Prefer chips to greens? This is a good way to make sure you’re getting all your vitamins without having a boring meal. You can buy a quality blender for as little as €30 in the likes of Arnotts or Argos – even better if you get it with a flask included as I did – it makes for handy meals on the go. Personally I find it hard chomping down on a load of veggies but once you have a blender it can be a whole lot easier to get those much needed vitamins without sacrificing on taste.

The Smoothie – Unlike men, fruit can never be too smooth. With a blender, making smoothies couldn’t be easier. Just buy your favourite fruit, put it in the blender and voila. A take away flask means its a treat you can enjoy anywhere, anytime in the day.

The Soup – Hot, homemade soup with a side salad, brown bread or veggie pie can be the ultimate lunch or dinner to look forward to or take to work with you!

Tomato and Basil, Carrot and Coriander, Beetroot and Feta Cheese – the list of yummy soups just goes on and on!

Carrot and Coriander Soup recipe: http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/carrotandcorianderso_1919

3. The Veggie Pie – You can get these from any good supermarket or artisan food shop!

Wondering where to get pies such as the above? Great artisan food shops in Dublin include:

1. Fallon and Byrne – Wicklow Street, Dublin 2 – For a great selection of fruit, veg, and everything you can think of! Perfect for any vegetarian wanting to expand their tastes. A range of prices from expensive, to great cheaps deals on fruit.  

2. Nolan’s Food Fare – Harolds Cross, Dublin 6w - Breads, dips, teas, cheeses, unusual desserts - all with a creative flair. A cooking enthusiasts dream. Expensive, so better for the usual bits and pieces rather then buying everything here.

3. Hopsack Health Store – The Swan Centre, Rathmines, Dublin 6  – All health foods, seems to cater quite specifically for vegetarians and vegans.

Restaurants:

1. Cornucopia – Wicklow Street, Dublin 2. http://www.cornucopia.ie/

2. Govindas - Aungier Street, Dublin 2 http://www.govindas.ie/

For more info on veggie living in Dublin see: http://vegans.frommars.org/ireland/index.php?location=Dublin

Or for vegetarian health tips see: http://vegetarian.about.com/od/healthnutrition/qt/HealthTips.htm

For Jamie Olivers vegetarian recipes: http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/vegetarian-recipes

Google Can’t Tell If He Likes You

For decades women have flocked to the likes of Cosmo and other sister magazines in search of the answer to The Great Question. Does he really like me? 
These women were the lucky ones. Before that, women had to settle for chanting while de-petalling innocent flowers.
But now theres a new answer giver in town, and its no longer in the form of a quiz.
Enter: Google, answer guru of the universe.
While magazines nab the young, Google nabs all. When I was growing up I remember the articles entitled “How to tell if your crush likes you” in the likes of Bliss and 17 magazine.  There wasn’t a quiz out there I hadn’t done or a magazine I hadn’t read. I knew it all… but I still didn’t ever know the answer. 
The irony is that the more you try to find out whether someone likes you and the more you wonder, the less you will pick up on your own intuition!
Example: Girl sits at home maudling broken relationship/confusing relationship/why he hasn’t texted back etc. Girl goes onto computer to take part in stalking activity on Facebook slash read about celebs. Girls angst grows. Oh Google… she thinks… How come you know the answer to everything except my biggest question? How can you not know?
Google doesn’t reply (he’s not a guru) but he does sit there patiently waiting, silent and receptive. His big gaping Google mouth waiting for question food to eat. Nom nom.
Girl goes back onto Facebook… reads more about Katy Perrys break up… then finally relents. Fine! I’ll ask you!
Maybe you will know! So she does it. She types the lamest words ever into the biggest answer box in the world.
“Why did he dump me?”
And you know what she gets? Some gobshite from some random town in the back arse of nowhere with an IQ of 80 who has typed something like this: “Because you’re a clingy cow”. Underneath it there might be a thumbs up and a thumbs down sign for you to indicate whether this was helpful. Beside which it will read “0% of users found this answer helpful”.
And she’ll cry a little more.
But she won’t stop there. Not satiated she might try the following. “Why did he dump me… um, told me he’s gay”.
Then she might get a forum. One full of people going. “Woooo you been burned gurl! He told you he was gay? Dat the oldest line in da book!” So now she’s angry. How dare he lie to me! How dare he call me a clingy cow and say he was gay when he’s not really and he’s probably in bed with another girl RIGHT THIS MINUTE!
She reverts back to Facebook stalking… this time, her ex. Finding potential women he could be in bed with now and going through all of their info and photos and wondering what they have that she doesn’t.
Sound healthy? Um… no. (The guy was gay, and he was in the process of training to be an airhostess, but she didn’t care anymore because Google had told her otherwise.)

If you recognise this crazy girl, don’t be afraid. There is still time to be enlightened and realise that the 5 opinions you read on the internet written by forum users or even by journalists who were desperate for article ideas and decided to recycle an old ’ten reasons why he dumped you’ spiel from ten years ago, not pointing any fingers *cosmo*, are probably useless.  

 You might be able to try and find out why he might have dumped you after he did, but most likely its something you will NEVER, EVER know. The man himself may not even know. And if he does, he may not choose to share this with very many people. 
Similarly, the even more vague, “Will he dump me?” or “Does he like me?” seems to be assuming Google is suddenly Mystic Meg and can see into the future. And that Google knows you both – intimately.
Google doesn’t know you. Only you know you, and the answer to the question, somewhere deep in your little hort.
Google knows where Manitoba is. It knows the capital of Finland. It knows how many Euros there are to the Pound and it knows where to direct you for concert tickets. It can give you a factfile on celeb starsigns and you can learn that you have a namesake who is a balding teacher in Brazil. But I tell you what it doesn’t know? It doesn’t know shit about whether the bloke you’re  seeing is really into you or why your ex dumped you. Anyway, you can’t Google what’s going on in a mans mind - no matter what!

Funny Searches on my Blog!

Of course its not just women at fault! Men search for the strangest things too. One of things that has constantly amused me about this blog since I started it, is the search engine terms people use to get here. From the scientifically hopeful ”optimal ass shape” to the  more disturbing “have young naked woman in the cage (animal box)” I’ve seen it all. I wanted to make a list but never got around to it. But I do have to question these recent humdingers:

1. Women love boy for money – I’d love to know the owner of this search. What was going through their head at the time? Is it a boy hoping to sell his love? A woman hoping to buy someones affection? Someone bad at English who is trying to find out more about gold-diggers in general? The possibilities and stories behind it could be endless!

2. Vintage naked manly encounter – I won’t pretend to understand this one. But I can appreciate for ascetic reasons the sheer beauty of the image it portrays. A naked manly encounter might not be everyones cup of tea, but who could disagree with it if it was vintage?

3. What size is Shakira in jeans? – Presumably the same size she is in a skirt…

Hard to tell cos she’s short…

4. Meaning of vertical forehead wrinkles – They mean you were a dragon in a previous life and you’ll be an octopus in the next. I’d also say they get worse with worrying about them to the point of googling it and ending up at my blog…

5. How many units in a naggin – This is so often googled to get to my blog and I don’t know the answer! I apologise to the many people who came searching here and left feeling berefit. I don’t know how many units are in a naggin – enough to have a good night maybe?

6. Scottish pole dancing championship – God I wish I’d been there…

7. Fake naked tom cruise – I’d say my blog is a source of great disappointment to many people searching for real answers in a mad world. Especially Tom Cruises biggest fake naked fan.

 ”Amanda Knox psychopath” and “Amanda Knox hot” are also regulars…

Inspiration Deficit?

Oh man, I’m starting to feel like Carrie Bradshaw in that episode of Sex in the City where she runs out of inspiration. You know the one where she ends up writing a column that compares men to socks and French fries?

I could go one better then that but I won’t try!

The reason for this being that I’m heavily focusing all of my spare writing time on my fiction book at the moment.
Avid fans may sigh in disapproval. You’re putting us on the backburner?!
Heavens, yes! I am! But can you blame a dame? The result will be well worth the wait! Te lo prometo…

Article writing and novel writing don’t mix so well I find.
The two types of writing and headspaces are very different – one requires you to be IN the world, the other as far away from it as possible, so I can’t swap between them easily.
On the plus side, if there can be a plus side to a more then pregnant pause in my journalistic ascent (lets call it a gully of ongoing silence, as its more apt), my fiction book is making really good headway at the moment. Especially, since I SOLD OUT and found out about an illustrious novel writing software! I had obviously heard about it ages ago but always thought it sounded like a load of over-rated baloney.
You see, I’m an old fashioned writer at heart – of the pen, paper and Plath persuasion.
I think I must glean it from being half Yorkshire and half Irish. Two more straight forward, honest, hardworking races of people you could not meet down a dark, country road then Irish and Northerners. My philsophy on writing a novel has always been about hard work, resulting in such mental phrasology as the following: ”You can either write or ya can’t, Sinead!” “What the hell do you need writing software for? Remember, its 5% inspiration and 95% perspiration”…. “Writing software is for losers who can’t really write!”… “Writing software?! How dya think your sister cranked out three popular chick lit novels that sold in the big time bookshops in Ireland? Not with some newfangled writing software she didn’t! Oh no!”… “Ah yeah, I’m sure Hemmingway had that in his day… you don’t need their help! You can do this by YOURSELF!”… etc etc… We all talk to ourselves at times, I am not ashamed.
 
But then I got word that it worked so I thought… what the heck, I’ll try it! What can the harm be? I lose 35 euro or I gain the advantage of actually finishing this book.  

And Oh My God, does it work! (NOTE: This is not an advert for it… I’m not even going to put in the name of it for this reason. But I reckon they’re all pretty much the same deal. Oh ok… actually that is lame. Its called New Novelist 3 and its made by Big Systems but that said I’ve heard of loads of them that do the same thing! But I can vouch that this one seems to be basically the real deal, as I am sure a good few are not!)

It won’t make you put your arse on the seat and it definitely won’t make you able to write. I could write before I got the software. And that is not big headed to say. Would it be big headed for someone who spent 8 years practising piano every single day to say they could play well? No. Or for someone who had spent 8 years perfecting a new language every day? No. Or swimming? No. Or Naked Bob Sledding? No… (Could go on all day but think you get the point…)
People don’t believe it but writing is very similar to all those activities that take practise. Just because you can speak English doesn’t mean you can write it well. That doesn’t stop drunk people at parties declaring they could write a book very easily in about a week and it would be better then anything they’d read to date.  

My background before I got the software apart from 8 years writing practise? Well, I’d already spent 6 solid months on the book – including another about 10 months knowing the idea and developing it. It developed from a short story to a longer book idea. Then the idea morphed and changed. It went through a stage where it was horribly trite. One of the main characters had a completely 2 dimensional personality. The book changed names from Black Paper to Amber Field and finally to Seven Days.
Granted I already had about 100 - 150 word documents of the work done. I’d probably written (and scrapped well over three quarters of it) about 200,000 words. I was left with about 45,000 good words in the end out of that.

Had I had the novel writing software earlier, I’d say I might have saved myself a good few months. But I dont know if the book would have been as good in the end. I benefitted from getting this software after I knew everything about my story inside out. The novel writing software helps simplify the writing process. As a result you could potentially, I believe, end up with a technically almost perfect but laregely souless book. It could be awful in fact – it would be better, perhaps, then what you could do without the software but there are no guarantees it would be enjoyable to read! 

What it DOES do is help right brained creative types to organise their many ideas, characters and parts to their novel into less of a nightmare situation. If I had a penny for every day I had sat there glaring at my computer screen and wishing I could have just taken my story out of it somehow and pasted it onto the sky or somewhere so I could see if it fit together properly (I tried the whole pieces of paper stuck to a wall thing but it ended in tears).
I had days where I really thought about throwing my laptop out of the window and moving to Fiji to open up an orphanage for sick baby tigers, never to write again. I had those days. Any serious writer who says they haven’t is a liar. When I was a spritely 20 year old student, with a penchant for world domination, I interviewed esteemed Irish author, Maeve Binchy for my Creative Writing degree dissertation which was on the subject of “Why We Write: Women Vs Men”.
I remember so well what she said to me.
“We as writers always secretly worry our work won’t be good enough… (and even when you get successful)… you secretly fear someone will pick up your book and then throw it down and say, this is rubbish!”
Oh Maeve. We coud never think about about your books!
 
So I relented and bought the software and it sped everything right up. 
The plot had to change a bit and new ideas needed to be added in. The structure changed too.
I thought it would just be an organisational tool but it is more then this. Granted, as mentioned before, I have some writing training but no one had ever SHOWN me how to write a book (and for that matter, I don’t have the maths mind or science brain to figure out the logistics of the complexities of novel plot writing, all I know is how to make prose sound good).
I’ve read lots of books from the brilliant, How To Write a Damn Good Novel by James N. Frey to the likes of The Art of Fiction by David Lodge, which are both indispensible tools for aspiring novelists but no one ever sat me down and got out the puppets, took a deep breath and said…

“Okay Sinead… here’s Donnie Darko… and here’s the Rabbit… and here is the worm hole.”

 (I stare at them with blank expression)

“Once again… HERE’S Donnie Darko… here’s the Rabbit… and… oh forget it!!!”

(Throws puppets down and walks away)

I needed the software basically. Inside me their is some poor cringing, Irish or lets face it, most probably Yorkshire, inner me saying “OH COME ON! REALLY? THE SOFTWARE! WHAT THE HELL?! I AM SO OUT OF HERE!”

All in all, one thing I’ve learned over the years is to always write for my reader, not my ego.
So anything, like this software, that can make me into a better and more entertaining novelist for my reader, can only be a good thing.

Inspiration deficit? To be honest I’ve never felt more alive!

Five Reasons Why Guys Who Dig You, Dump You

Most of us have been there. You thought everything was going fabulous with your man until next thing you know you’ve been handed a one way ticket to dumps-ville.
Then, just as you start to feel happy again and stop ordering take-away’s every night, phrases like “He’s just wasn’t that into you,” start being bandied around by your mates and every magazine you happen to pick up.
The fact is – there is nothing more upsetting then when a guy dumps you that you damn well knew was into you. Even worse is when he uses the worn out excuse, “Its not you, it’s me.” But what if he was telling the truth – what if it wasn’t you and it really was him? We explore the reasons behind why some men end things instead of committing…

 1. His timing is off

 This one is classic. Ever known that couple that were together four or five years and even moved in together only for the man to end it all when marriage magazines started turning up around the house? At the time, through your pity for the girl, you might have smugly thought he was just another commitment phobe (which of course you would have noticed well in advance) – but the next thing you know a few years later, he’s married the girl he was dating for just ten months! You’re shocked and appalled. So what was the problem with the first girl? He was into her, she was into him and the whole thing looked destined for an amazing future. Here’s the answer: women get serious when they meet the right man. Men get serious when they’re ready to settle down – ie. When their mates do, when they’ve finished college, or when they’ve bought that ridiculous looking jeep that they’ve always wanted.  

2. He’s not done being a player

Whatever age a man is, if he’s not finished playing the field then he’ll be dubious about settling down. Competitive by nature, if men think there is a possibility of them getting someone better in the looks department – (ie someone who will make their friends green with envy) they might end up wondering if this is as good as it gets. The grass is always greener on the other side. No matter how great the woman they have is, they’ll still wonder about other women if they’re not done playing the field…

3. He fears for the future

The sex might be fabulous and everything might be hunky dory now, but that doesn’t stop a man from thinking ahead to the ghost of the what-might-she-be-like future. Be aware when you’re stuffing chicken wings into your gob across the table from him or digging into that last slice of cheesecake in your baggy pyjamas, he’s mentally labelling it for future reference: evidence she’ll change for the worse.
Whether you pile on the pounds, start nagging them about the bins or completely turn into your aunt complete with lashings of unwaxed body hair, it could be the worst case scenario in his head which sees him running for the hills. 

4. Its not the big L

This one ain’t easy to swallow and might not make a heartbroken girl feel any better but here’s how it is: you might be a fabulous girl, with the best body in the whole of Irelandand a cracking personality but it doesn’t mean he’ll love you. He may like you a lot, but you just might not be his cup of tea. Just because a guy likes you a lot isn’t a guarantee that it will evolve into love. So why do men invest any time in a relationship that they know will end because she’s not ‘The One’? Because they’re able to live in the moment, unlike us planning obsessed ladies. Unfortunately, once you show you’re more into them then they are into you, they’ll dump you out of guilt.

5. He’s just too into you

This one may sound dubious and highly unrealistic. Why would someone break up with a girl they were mad about for pity’s sake? Simple: they’re scared of being hurt. Brave as they might be about ridding your house of spiders, when it comes to emotional issues the can be awful cowards. If they start to feel like they’re getting into a situation where they’ll be destroyed if you dump them, dumping you first may feel like the only option. You having all that power over him is not only pretty daunting but he’d hate to look heartbroken in front of his mates. In his mind, it’s better to act like a winner before you turn him into a loser. That way he can stay ‘strong-like-warrior’.

Jung, Free and Loving Astrology

As a people observer, I’ve always had a keen interest in astrology and psychology - and suffered for my love of it!
By suffer I mean, I’ve been called many names by miscreantes who have never been open minded enough to look into it properly. I’ve often been called stupid and regularly given that sympathetic withering look by ‘scientifically minded’ people, almost as though I’d just informed them that I still believed in Santa Claus. (He’s not real? What the F&*%?!!)

Thankfully, I was never one to be bothered about what people think of my intelligence. (Its enough for me to know that I’m smart, I don’t have to prove it to the world!) But it was a great relief when I went to study psycholgy and creative writing in the UK at the age of 18 and I finally found someone who agreed with me.
I won’t put his name in here, as I haven’t asked his permission to name him, but it was one of the Doctors of Psychology, a professor and a lecturer of mine for cognitive psychology.
After class one day I shyly approached him. The entire lecture theatre had emptied. My heart was racing beyond belief. He was shuffling through some papers. He was a tall man, African, very dark skinned – with an outgoing demenour.
“Can I help you?” I cannot remember what I said to him. I told him I wanted to know more about astrology and the links to psychology. Intead of laughing in my face and telling me I might be better off leaving the course, he took it very seriously! He told me he believed in it too – and that many psychologists, including Jung, did.
We went onto have a lengthy discussion about it.
As I was leaving he looked at me and he said, “Leo?”
I laughed.  “Taurus…”
“It was your bright clothing and the fact that you had the courage to approach me!” he said.
(I was wearing ridiculous attire.)
“Oh…” I replied. “Must be my Sagittarius moon!” He got it.
I felt suddenly, alot less stupid then I had in years about my interest in astrology and its affects on people. 

It all started for me about the age of 15, it sounds obvious, but that was when I started to notice how people really
related to their star sign. A friends mother had a keen interest and we used to discuss it too. After a while I as I got deeper into it and discovered more aspects to it in the other planets. There was not one case I couldn’t discover a very real insight into a persons character through the use of birth charts. I spent my pocket money and first wages on books about it. And every essential astrologers bible – an ephemerides, which is basically a big fat book of numbers and degrees. This one cost me the grand some of 27 euro (alot when you’re 17 years old!) and gave me every planets placement from 1900 to 2050!

I felt it gave me the edge, secretly. I could have someone figured out before they even knew anything about me.
My favourite part was seeing the similarities between people with similar star signs, moon signs and venus signs. It was uncanny. I loved watching how people related to one another. How perfect compatible matches worked together and filled in one anothers blanks, and how horribly wrong it could all go. To this day I could not imagine a world without astrology. It makes every day more interesting for me. I learn more every single day, week and year about it.

It is encouraging when I get moments of others being surprised at my insights into their own personality and relationships that I could have known little or nothing about, apart from knowing their birth date. At the same time, I keep it to myself most of the time. I accept its difficult for many people to believe or take seriously without solid proof. I accept that alot of it can be intuitive and down to perception, projection and its by no means foolproof. No one is denying the fact that people have unique genes and a unique personality. But astrology is alot more subtle then that. Its knowing what aspects and combinations of personality traits will be sure to point out one star sign for another.
Using broad personality trait words such as ‘brave’ and ‘adventurous’ can actually cause confusion. The most common question I always get asked is “Yeah but can’t you apply those words to anyone?” Of course you can – they’re broad words! But you asked me to describe Capricorn and then wanted me to do it in 30 seconds so what the hell do you expect? I could describe Angelina Jolie in 30 seconds without mentioning her huge lips and the fact that she’s married to Brad Pitt, and you could think she’s any Hollywood actress! But if you got to know Angelina Jolie, properly, and then spent a good amount of time explaining her to someone else who knew her, then you’d be more accurate. I could write pages about someones star sign – I could explain why they’re different to someone else they know with that star sign (because their moon is completely different) and why they get on with one Gemini and not another. In short, its a heavily complex subject. Nowadays people are so accustomed to getting ‘concrete answers’ done in a ‘concrete study’ by ‘concrete scientists’. They’re also used to getting it piped into their brains very quickly. Once something anomalous like astrology comes along, it can be much easier to brush it aside without really giving it any time, thought or research. The ability to really see people is important too. To see whats going on for them on many levels. Remember, you are your version of your birth chart – someone else on the other side of the world might have a very similar birth chart to you. After he or she is raised they might seem completely different to you in many ways on the surface. But I bet if you got to know them you would see how many things in common you ended up having!
I would love if some studies were done on astrology to prove what I am absolutely certain to be real. It makes me laugh when on a night out I can talk to a guy for a minute and then tell them their star sign. Recently I guessed right three times in a row and got called a witch! (One of the drawbacks… good reason never to tell people or indeed boys about this!!) But I do enjoy sometimes when I’m out for dinner and one person hears about it – once I’ve got one person down to a T, the rest of the drunken party starts shouting “do me, do me!!” I remember one time, I spent the whole dinner telling people about themselves and not much of it eating!

Overall, its near impossible to explain how much I can see astrology working in people, even though I come across so many examples every single day. For me, I feel its almost too much evidence! I feel overwhelmed by the evidence, and hence I never seem to find the right way to explain to disbelievers!

None the less, tonight I found some intesting quotes from Jung on Astrology… it feels comforting to know in all the times I’ve been misunderstood on this topic, that good old Jung was misunderstood too!

• While studying astrology I have applied it to concrete cases many times. … The experiment is most suggestive to a versatile mind, unreliable in the hands of the unimaginative, and dangerous in the hands of a fool, as those intuitive methods always are. If intelligently used the experiment is useful in cases where it is a matter of an opaque structure. It often provides surprising insights. The most definite limit of the experiment is lack of intelligence and literal-mindedness of the observer. … Undoubtedly astrology today is flourishing as never before in the past, but it is still most unsatisfactorily explored despite very frequent use. It is an apt tool only when used intelligently. It is not at all foolproof and when used by a rationalistic and narrow mind it is a definite nuisance. – C. G. Jung: Letters, volume 2, 1951-1961, pages 463-464, letter to Robert L. Kroon, 15 November 1958
• Astrology is knocking at the gates of our universities: A Tübingen professor has switched over to astrology and a course on astrology was given at Cardiff University last year. Astrology is not mere superstition but contains some psychological facts (like theosophy) which are of considerable importance. Astrology has actually nothing to do with the stars but is the 5000-year-old psychology of antiquity and the Middle Ages. – C.G. Jung in a letter to L. Oswald on December 8, 1928, in Carl G. Jung, Letters, vol. 1, 1973
• It is indeed very difficult to explain the astrological phenomenon. I am not in the least disposed to an either-or explanation. I always say that with a psychological explanation there is only the alternative: either and or! This seems to me to be the case with astrology too. – Carl G. Jung in a letter to Hans Bender, April 10, 1958, Carl G. Jung Letters, Volume 2, 1951-1961, p. 428.
• So far as the personality is still potential, it can be called transcendent, and so far as it is unconscious, it is indistinguishable from all those things that carry its projections…[that is,] symbols of the outside world and the cosmic symbols. These form the psychological basis for the conception of man as a macrocosm through the astrological components of his character. – Carl G. Jung
• Astrology is one of the intuitive methods like the I Ching, geomantics, and other divinatory procedures. It is based upon the synchronicity principle, i.e. meaningful coincidence. … Astrology is a naively projected psychology in which the different attitudes and temperaments of man are represented as gods and identified with planets and zodiacal constellations. – Carl Gustav Jung
• We are born at a given moment in a given place and like vintage years of wine we have the qualities of the year and of the season in which we are born. Astrology does not lay claim to anything else. – C.G.Jung

So I was having a Ross O.C.K moment…

“Why is there no ‘Exclude Tallaght’ button on Daft.ie?” That’s me, asking God why he can’t make house hunting easier for me.
“I mean if jobs.ie can have an ‘Exclude Agencies’ button, why not an ‘Exclude Tallaght’ button? And while they’re at it, they can also add an ‘Exclude Crumlin’, ‘Exclude Inchicore’ and and an ‘Exclude Kimmage’ button.
And where the hell is “Ballycullen” when its up and dressed?
These are places that daft.ie have all included in the their South City or South County Dublin category.

Oh. Come. ON.

Those places are WEST. South WEST. There is a massive diference between South West and South East.
I mean everyone knows KISS means Keep it South Side. But they should rename it “KISS… EW!” (“Keep it South Side… Except West!” ) to make it clearer, what with all the riff raff sneaking in.

The scariest port, is that I was nearly raised in Tallaght. The only thing that saved me was because my dad had an argument with the builder over a tiny piece of land in the garden (we’re talking feet… but my dad is Irish, we’re sensitive about people taking our land, however small the amount…) I mean Shankill was hardly a barrell of laughs to grow up in either. I couldn’t count the amount of times I’ve had rocks chucked at me, been chased home and set upon by a mob of angry girls trying to wrench a pack of John Player blue from my hands (no she didn’t get them, and yes I did kick her in the stomach and run off)… but at least we’re walking distance from Killiney. And the beach. The worst of the agro buzz people have grown up and its become an alroysh area over the years to be fair…

On another note, what the fock is up with estate agents turning their phone off at weekends?!
How dare they have a life when I’m looking for somewhere to live.
This country is such a pile of weird-balls… total mare, in fact.

Even Naked Gym Guy…

Even naked gym guy gets free minutes.

 

I’m quite surprised I’ve managed to write as many posts as I have and never touch on this subject before.
I choose to write about this now because its been highlighted a few times recently to me. You might say it has been ‘stripped’ down to its core, ‘exposed’ to the masses and that this will be the first time I will ‘bare all’ on the subject.
What to I mean? Erm, nakedness – to put it bluntly.
In the recent Channel Four documentary – “My Daughter the Teenage Nudist” they follow a load of teenagers planning to become nudists, or at least exploring the idea. It makes for occasionally uncomfortable viewing (when they go to the nudist garden full of old wrinklies and join in the naked party – ”darling you’ll love it!’ as though being naked together in a free love frenzy is just like trying the new orange flavoured kitkat) but overall, it opens your mind to that fact that nakedness doesn’t always have to be something to be ashamed of, or indeed a sexual thing at all – it can just be another  tool for ‘baring’ your soul and participating in freedom of expression.
For whatever reason people choose to do it (I won’t pretend to understand exactly why, I’m sure everyone has different reasons) having watched the documentary, it seems there is absolutely nothing seedy about the nudist scene.  
The nudist scene aside, as this can be rather extreme for the majority of us, most of us only enounter the naked issue in pools, gyms and at the beach.
Most Sex in the City fans will remember the episode where Charlotte won’t go in the sauna naked because she is self concious of her body. At one point she is talking to the girls and she says defensively, “I just didn’t grow up in a naked house!!”  
Everyone knows what Charlotte means!
Even if you did grow up in a semi-naked/naked house – you will always have a friend who comes from a more naked house then you do. And if it happens, that your family are in fact all nudists – or hippies who brought you up with the idea that clothes are only there to stifle you and pin you under the thumb of the capitalist regime, even then, you’ll know someone or have met someone LESS naked then your family and so this will be highlighted for you in the opposite way. Lets face it, we all know a prude, and we all know a naked nelly.
I mean for some its okay to walk around the gym naked. For others, its fine to take a naked bike ride. There are people who would  bare all in Tenerife for their weeks holiday every July.
Personally, I like many Irish people have grown up in a very ‘non naked’ house, where it was just the done thing to be covered up all of the time. In fact, I think the Meteor advert above, perfectly epitomises the general Irish view towards nakedness as a whole – not the guy with the towel but the fellas with the grimaces.

When I go topless on holiers, its on the sand dunes, like 3 miles from any living human eye.
As a result, I’m am the girl at the busy Irish beach doing the shimmy inside the towel (occasionally toppling over as I struggle on one leg trying to hide from the passing train) and in the gym the  person who takes her clothes into the cubicle for some privacy. I don’t think this is weird. What I think is weird are those people who strut around naked for like 45 minutes, just casually drying every part of their body and having long conversations with friends as they do… and as a friend of mine once highlighted a few years ago – putting body lotion all over themselves too? For me, not that I ever, ever, go to the gym or even swimming for that matter ( ha! its been over a year anyway…) but I just don’t get it!!When I went to university in the UK I encountered the naked behaviour even more. Sharing houses and flats alot with a whole host of new people all the time was novel. That said, although I did see a few strange things over the years, I actually found the British to be very similar to the Irish in their prudish habits. Its when you get into Europe mainland that it begins to change for the ever more naked.  
France and Germany are definitely more ‘open’ (translation: open = naked). My German friend might kill me for using her again for an article, but she’s just so perfect for this example. During my final year in university over in the UK I ended up living with her.  
She as a German, and me being Irish, we had such different attitudes to nakedness. While I was never prudish in the slightest about most things, such as conversations about sex for example, when it comes to simple things like changing clothes I usually was.
I had a walk in closet in my room (sounds cool, and in fact it was but I had the smallest room in the 9 bedroom house so that was like my consolation prize) and I would always go in there to change when I had friends in my room.
I was also the type of person to do the David Beckham dive and roll into my bed/to the nearest towel, should anyone inadvertedly come in to my room. My German friend had such a completely different attitude. I’ll never forget the first day it happened.
Her room was next to mine. “Knock knock knock” (Thats me knocking on her door)
“Can I come in?”
Loud, relaxed reply: “Yeah sure!”
I open door. Friend is standing there in nothing but a thong, tidying up around the place or doing something or other, I don’t remember what, I wasn’t really noticing what she was doing anymore.
“Hey honey, whats up?”
“Um….”
Avert eyes.
“Um….”
Fifteen seconds might have passed.
“I forget now….”
“Does my nakeness bother you?”
“No…. is just something I need to get used to I think….”
Suddenly remember what I came in for.
“Can I borrow your hair curlers?”
This routine continued for a while. Eventually, I literally didn’t notice. Just to emphasise: friend is NOT a pervert. She is just confortable with her body and being exposed. Is European. Its very, very normal for them to be naked and not bat an eyelid. Im surprised most of Paris and Berlin don’t just gadd around naked come summertime.

So anyway to sum up. I think its great if the whole world wants to go around naked. Just don’t expect me to join you.
Besides, its far too cold in Dublin for naked tea and biscuits by the fire, never mind a naked bike ride…

 

Beauty Essentials…

There are so many products out there for women that at times it may boggle the mind. However, when you get to the grand old age of 26 you become more astute at weeding out the rubbish from the useful.
I won’t lie, I’m an adventurous girl at heart. Usually writing articles about make up and products bore me to tears, but if you want to be adventurous, you have to be practical… And no one wants practical to mean, a pair of birkenstocks, unshaven armpits and god forbid, minger hair.

Below I have detailed my top ten favourite Most Useful Products for every self respecting girl, without breaking the bank – to make sure as Tyra says, you’re always looking fierce! (Wow… I think I just got sick in my mouth a tiny bit…)

"See the difference? I'm smizing in this one..."

1. DRY SHAMPOO – Oh my God, number one holy grail… Any girl who doesn’t own a bottle of dry shampoo, either you’ve got majorly dry hair and you’re very lucky, or you’ve just been living in a cave like, forever.
I used to use it only for festivals when there was no other option except a gross shower full of disease, or a four day unwashed horror hairdo.
Many of my friends lives have been vastly improved by this product. I can confess, I spent the last 10 years of my life washing my hair every single day (bar the odd lazy Sunday of course) because Im one of those unlucky people who has a greasy complexion AND straight hair. This equally total mare in the hair department. But recently I discovered the answer. It means half an hour on my hair every second day, but it still saves time. I wash my hair, dry it, curl it (grease can’t move down curls as easily as it can straight hair), comb it through so its more wavy then curls, back comb it so that its lovely and big and bed-hairish, and then  the second day I spray a bit of a dry shampoo on it and Im good to go again. Similarly, its great for people with curly or frizzy hair. Once you’ve gone through the time consuming bitch that is straightening it/having it blow dried in the salon… you can make it last twice as long with the help of the lovely dry shampoo. Dry shampoo, time saving since whenever you were invented. I salute you.  

Champions among men

2. THE COMMON SHAVER – Hello, I’m your common shaving device. I am plastic and innocent and non-flamboyant. But can you imagine a world without me?! THE HORROR. Can you imagine it? Twud be like living in France in the 1850s… You wouldnt be able to tell the men from the girls, or the apes from the girls for that matter…

I'm the reason he didn't dump yo ass

3. HOME HAIR DYE – This might not be for everyone… I know some people are very particular about their hair… and can I gently say to those people… GET THE HELL OVER IT! Its hair not apartheid! Why are you so afraid of your own hair?  Salons, filled with savvy jacintas, make billions by saying things like “You need to get rid of all dem split ends love” or “You really couldn’t go blonde, not with that hair…” Listen. One think I know from not listening to hair dressers EVER is that they mainly talk crap. My hair is in wonderful condition, and I go to the hairdresser about once every two years. I dye it at home with Clairol every 6 weeks and its a beautiful colour. It looks sort of natural/just suits me, and guess how much it costs? Not hundreds… 6 euro every 6 weeks… Trust me, I LOVE my hair. I would spend the money on it if I thought it would make me look better, but the fact is, it actually doesn’t.   

4. Probiotics and Multivitamins – Every self-respecting party girl should know something. If you wanna drink every weekend, and live life in the fast lane (aka work hard and play hard) you need to look after yourself. Health comes from the inside and glows out in an irradecent beauty… kind of like a glow worm. If you’re binge drinking every weekend (and why shouldn’t you, you look fabulous in that dress!) then taking a daily probiotic keeps your stomach happy and your mood postitive. Alcohol depletes vitamins and so does eating rubbish. If you’re one of those ‘eat the sandwich on the go’ and have a ready meal when you get in type of gals, a good multivitamin (I’d recommend Multibionta probiotic multivitamin) can keep you away from sickness. After all, getting sick is boring… 

5 A Black Leather Jacket – They’re so in at the moment. The smaller the better. Sandy from Grease, eat your heart out.

"You betta shape up... cos I need a man..."

6. Coffee – Oh hell yeah. Every girl needs  a good coffee! Not the instant kind either. Im talking getting yourself one of those proper expresso machines or getting it made in the coffee shop. And Im not talking about this poncy starbucks shite either. None of this extra hot, extra wet, skinny tall frappalapachino with cream and hazelnut syrup. Go in and get yourself a proper manly double expresso and see how your productivity increases ten fold, without the extra sugar and calories… then down it like a man!

Down it in one

7. Pluckers – Im not an eyebrow plucker, Im an eyebrow pluckers son… No one wants to date quasi modo. If it wasn’t for these bad boys, Im sure I’d been languishing on some street corner begging somewhere in Equador… no one hires uni-brow girl. No matter how dope her ride is…

8. Hairspray – Keeping Bon Jovi in business since the 80s… or I don’t know, something like that. While rock stars of yore might have created that hole in the ozone by using so much hairspray. Do them a favour and keep it growing. No one likes a quitter. And no one likes flat or unruly hair for that matter. Show your unruly hair the door… 

9. Good Make up – Its not about money. Get yourself a good foundation (you don’t need to break the bank… 10 – 12 euro will buy you a decent one that lasts for ages) and get yourself a nice mascara – same price should do it, 10 – 12 euro or so, one of the brand names. Eyeliner doesn’t matter so much on the price I find, but make sure it works properly before you buy it by testing it on your hand. You need one of the soft kohl ones. I recently found a store that sells amazing eyeliners for a euro with a sharpener built into to the lid. Eyeshadow wise, I think its good to invest too – find out what colours suit you and invest in a good few and look after them. They last so long and are an investment. I can’t speak for the Mac range but I hear they’re excellent. I personally find Maybelline and Max Factor just great… oh and Sephora… but they’re not in Ireland yet sadly

10. Matt Powder – If you’re a greasy faced person like me, this stops the shine. It means you dont have to redo your make up and don’t even up looking like you’ve just come out of a sauna. Buy one nice brush. I got mine in the Body Shop two years ago. Its proper hair, cost about 25 euro and is lovely and soft. It washes well and is great for applying powder over my shine after a few hours of being out and about.

STAY AWAY FROM

Beauty wipes

Is that a spot I see? Hell no! Oh no he didn’t! I recently went on holiday. I bought face wipes. I now have THREE spots, including a massive one on my chin. They should rename face wipes – “spot creators of the universe” Someone please stop them making them. And please stop buying them. We need to protest against this scourge sweeping the world…

Look at them so innocently sitting there. Like they think we don't know what they're really up to...

SMOKING

Its not a product but it ages you. Need I say more?