All you need is love..

kittens

Love is a mini cooper. Love is a kitten peeking out of your favourite handbag. Love is not illegally downloading music because you care about the band too much.. According to Wet Wet Wet its fuckin’ everywhere. But love is hard to come by for the busy woman. In my case, there is certainly no rush, but is worth observing the difficulties women face. As it’s been two months now since I have been officially thrown back out into single space wearing nothing but a loincloth and a traffic cone, my legs still unshaven from the comfort of modern relationslava, I’m starting to look around at newer models.. and the view is goood!
I’m not going to lie to you, it was cosy in there, that relationslava place. I have moments, flashbacks if you will.. very brief, but utterly longingful. The days of sprawling out on his sofa, a kebab on my chest, watching old movies like  ‘Save the Last Dance’ and not caring what the hell I looked like. But then, something intervene’s, something which makes me feel nothing for that time. I just switch off at the mains. Something that makes me feel relieved and happy to be single. I’ve never felt so alive in ages. Effervescent. New beginnings. Not knowing whats around the next corner. Could it be a zebra, a changeling, a fire breathing monkey? Being an erratic person in general, I won’t lie, I never knew what was around any corner. But this brings a whole new meaning to the word Freedom. There’s Freedom in your body, Freedom in your mind.. and FREEDOM IN YOUR HEART. It’s like someone’s given me a helium balloon and told me to take a deep breath. I’m light as a feather, and nothing can hurt me.. 

You see the thing you forget when you’re clinging terrified atop the cliff of breakup, the soil crumbling under your weakening claws, the tears streaming down your face – you look down. ‘Jesus, its fuckin’  high up’ you mutter ‘Oh god.. I can’t fall off this cliff or I’ll die..I mean, what happens when I land? Its gonna hurt alot, there will be blood everywhere..’ The bit you forget when you’re there is that once you land, and once you’ve been to hospital and shit, once you come out of intensive care, rehab, learn to walk again, they sew up your face.. you’re on the ground then, so you can’t fall anymore. The relief is actually immense. Being on the cliff when you look back, was so much worse then the memory of the fall, and actual fall and the recovery. The scariest part is that moment right at the end, when you’re fighting with your last breath: ‘Please god, don’t let me fall..’

And so next time a guy asks me to come cliff walking with them I might pass.. It’s not that I don’t like climbing, I do. I especially like the hot and sweaty bits.. it’s just I can still remember the fall, and it wasn’t good. For the moment I’m enjoying the ground.. its safe, and fun, and my friends are here.. plus, I still don’t know whats around the next corner!

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