Ghost of the Ex-mas Past

ex-boyfriend

There’s going to always be a chance when you write something, especially this emotive time of year, that people are not going to have the faintest clue what you’re on about. As its Christmas, and we all start to feel stuff we don’t usually feel, there’s always a tiny chance you might write something a bit, well, gay. That people might think you’re a bit of a tool. Or might be offended by your language (like I a give a f**k).

The ghost of the christmas ex has been around to visit this year. You think you’ve rid yourself of him for a few days, and then you’re looking through the old pictures in your photo album, which happened to fall out when you were packing for your sun holiday (at christmas granted, but i’ve packed my bikini with strange optimism). So you open the photo album. Aw isn’t that nice? Oh look its Amsterdam, ah weren’t we cute when we were 20, skipping through the poppies, ah jeez look at the pub, see how stoned I am on that balcony.. and then BAM! You turn the page and there he is staring at you. You stop for a second, and stare at it a million emotions flooding in at once. So do you start to feel sad? No. Reminiscent? I wish.. Happy? As if.. No, hang on a second, whats that Brain? Guilt? But why?! The more rebellious brain cells quickly perks up with a: ‘Remember what a dick he was in the end though?’ But the other side of your brain won’t listen. Its too busy loyally remembering the good times, and how nice he was to you that holiday, and what a bitch you were those other times, and how he told you to stop being silly, but no, you were hellbent on being the bitch from hell. And now look where you are, says your brain, mentally showing you yourself sitting on your bedroom floor staring at a photo in your hand. ‘He’s miles away and you are here’  it says ‘Whose fault is that?’. And then suddenly you think about it and realise.. Oh my god, it’s all my fault! 

Why must I take all the blame? Possibly there’s an explantion for the memories.. ‘Post Mental Syco bitch disorder’ replies your brain comfortingly ‘It’s not your fault your a bitch.’ Maybe some people are meant to be single.. maybe some people are meant to move on quickly ‘Go live in a hole’ replies the unsympathic side to your brain..

I suppose the moral of the story is the following:

1) Don’t put happy pictures of your boyfriend in an album with all your friends where you can stumble on it after a break up.

 2) Don’t have arguments with yourself, they go nowhere.

3) Grief is a natural process, with every ex at some point, you’re gonna feel bad about the times you acted like satans actual sidekick, but at the end of the day, humans are never perfect, if they were it would be boring.

4) One more sad night looking at a picture like a lost puppy is one day closer to finally being over them, so rejoice..

Don’t say I didn’t warn you about the weird things people think at Christmas.. Hopefully next year, the ghost of the christmas ex will be well and truly banished! 🙂

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