Na Brogaí Deas
They were to support my friends ankle which she hurt in a nightclub three months ago, which still hasn’t healed fully (See previous post: ‘Friends’ for details of the hilarious/traumatic incident)
Its actually easier to find pretty shoes, I realised, after we spent three hours trawling several shops and two different areas of Dublin, to find the offending pair. It was hilarious. I spent the first hour in tears of laughter. How can so many hideous shoes exist in the world?
The first shoe shop we went to, had the most rude staff ever, but really good bargains. We went in, and spent alot of time giggling in their sensible shoe section before approching the counter. Can I have all of these in a 6, asks my friend. We don’t have them – replies the equally offensive looking shoe helper person, throwing a pair aside.. might have these, she adds pointing to another pair.. they don’t come in a 6 she growls at another pair then grabs two pairs and walks off in a huff to find them. When we get them, my friend proceeds to do a catwalk of the offending shoes. We decide none are very good, and get a disgusted glance from the shop assistant as we leave.
My friend decides she wants to go to Ecco next. Ecco are famed for their ‘sensible’ (Read, heinously unnattractive) selection of shoes. I tell my friend I don’t want to be seen entering the shop and that I might hang around nearby. My reputation might be tainted, I tell her, but because I’m a good friend, end up going in anyway. If you are of a sensitive disposition please ignore the material you are about to see..
Luckily, my friend did not make me spend to long in there, it was on to Clarks for some fresh black patent leather gazing. ‘OOH LOOK THESE ARE LOVELY’ I say, grabbing the first ugly pair I see. A random women stares at me.. I then realise how enthusiastic I must have sounded, and remember people don’t know we are really looking for hideous shoes. No luck there either so we decide to drive the 20 mins to Dundrum shopping centre. On our way, a police car comes up behind us.. the fashion police must have heard about us but they don’t stop, perhaps they had a rain mac emergency to attend to, or even a neon catastrophe.
When we get there we do the rounds of all the shoe shops. My friend tries on what feels like hundreds of pairs of similar shoes which all look identical pretty much, or as my friend said: they look like they are made for eco-warriors. ‘Theres nothing wrong with being an eco warrier’ I say, getting all defensive of my eco warrior tendencies. ‘Yeh I just don’t want to look like one’ she says putting the shoe down – which is valid point. You can be an eco warrior and still have taste. Even if it means living in a tree and wearing a pair of gorgeous pink stilleto’s which are so pretty they make you want to cry a little bit. I swear some shoes are so nice, they evoke a genuine feeling of love in me.
While we are on the topic of shoes, I have something to vent with the world. Right here right now, and I think it can only really be done with a picture. Ok here goes:
Right own up, who invented these things? And why the hell do people buy them? When I first laid my eyes on these atrocities, which don’t even deserve the title ‘shoes’, I was in a hostel in Madrid about three years ago.. My friend and I were staying in a room with about eight American backpackers. When I saw the first pair on one of their beds I laughed alot, cried with laughter actually. When I awoke in the morning to see them all wearing them, in different colours – I got a bit scared… it was like a cult. A very ugly cult.
Then after that it was like the disease spread. Even my so called friends were defending them ‘Ah but they’re so comfy, you should try them.’ Try them? You couldn’t pay me to be seen in them! I would rather be shoeless for the rest of my life living on the weather beaten, rocky surface of Carrantuohill.. You’d have to bury me in them, and I’d still probably awake from the dead and manage to kick them off me, dig myself out of the grave and run away..
So I think you can see how much I hate Crocs.. anyway. I feel alot better now I have vented that.
Finally we found the shoes of perfection. They were flatish and black, with a strap, and a nice wide toe, and were 100% hideous. They did however, pass three test drives up and down the store and did look extremely comfortable.
Before I go I have one more thing to add. There is one particularly terrible fashion mistake that keep occuring time and time again. I thought we all knew, you know? I thought people all knew that it was wrong. I though we were safe. But last year, I’m talking about 2008, I know, I know – disturbing isn’t it? 2008.. and I saw this on the bus.
It made me laugh alright, dammit I laughed so much I looked like the crazy lone laughing girl on the bus.. But I mean if its cold, wear shoes – if its warm wear sandals.. why wear the two together? Why?! Sandals with socks, never were sexy, and they never will be sexy, so people please – for all of our sakes, think of the children.. and stop parading your obscene twisted ideas around in public. End of.