The Dole Queue

Ah the dole. The lovely alternative to working. Sit around on your ass all day and get money for nothing… What? Taxpayers money? You want to hurt me? Relax.. I’m just kidding around. I haven’t got any yet, though I have signed on. I went there yesterday, to one of the ones in Dublin. Its a great place that dole office, especially in the rain. I came in shaking my brolly like a glo stick, ready for a party, and down to join the queue for the reception desk. There was already a fraca in full swing.
(cue strong Dublin accent) “NO NO NO NOOOOOO… Dis is f**kin ridiculous! I’ve been waitin’ over n’ HOUR to see dat lady.. I’m ahead of you in the queue RIGHT? I won’t be long.. I just need to speak to her.. This place is F**KIN’ RIDICULOUS.. its a JOKE.. they dunno how to run a place.. its mickey mouse and donald duck runnin this place..” and so on, you get the picture. In front of me were two Polish men. I feel in two minds about this. On the one hand if they have been working in our country for a few years and paying tax, and then they suddenly lose their job, then by all means go on the dole. But then if they come over and don’t work, they still get dole? That seems a bit wrong to me. Nevertheless.. I am now a beggar so have no right to complain about which other beggars are getting money. Maybe when I am a taxpayer I can have an opinion. The woman gave me a form. The questions were great. ”Why do you think you can’t get a job?”  You see this could spawn a plethora of questions. Maybe I could have written:

“Because I’m a middle class idiot who went and got a degree in creative writing and popular music. Who’s ever heard of a job attributing to that eh? And then I went on to get  a proper vocational useful qualification – a masters in newspaper journalism.. right before a recession where journalists are only getting laid off and not taken on.. perhaps I should have been a plumber.. yaknow’ got a decent trade at 18 or something? yaknow instead of educating my mind and reading the guardian or something? Shoulda.. been, uh.. working for my wage.. never mind that i’ve had about 25 jobs altogether to support myself getting through this education, now you say it.. now you actually say it.. I have NO IDEA why I can’t get a job.. hang on a sec.. yeah.. my phones ringing its god, he’s telling me to shut up…’

 But instead I wrote: “Because there is a recession.. I’ve actually been trying really hard!”


I suppose they are hoping you will be caught out and write ”Because I’m a lazy chav who has no motivation to get off my arse and do anything with my life” or ”I can’t rite a CV cos noones tauted me too” or “I was never given a chance.. now I have three kids with three different men – well it could be any of ten different men. I wish I had a job, but honestly can’t get anyone to mind these brats” or,  ”I pretend to have arthritis in my finger so I can get out of it..” but I’m sure everyones application for the past two years has said what mine did.
Recession. That big excuse word for not having a job. Bet the ones who have been on it all along are loving the recession. Cheaper food, holidays and a good excuse – WAHAY!
If  you’re under 25 they want to know your parents income too. I thought that was bad. It’s not enough that I’m a year away from offically not being a young adult anymore and barely get ID’d anymore, but now I’m too young?
I have one group of people saying “Grow up grandma” and another saying “You’re still too young to be a viable independent adult!” Why does it matter what my parents do? They shouldn’t have to fund their 24 year old anymore! I’m twenty bleedin’ four and my dad is on a pension for gods sake! No one should have to bail their kid out from a bad spot at that age. But they are at the moment,and probably will be until the dole comes through in another three months or I get a job (unlikely seeing as I have applied for about 10 million already). That is, if the government deem me needy enough, yaknow, one of their own citizens. Yeah give it to all the people who come over – give buggies and houses to the Nigerians give dole to the Polish  (I shouldn’t have to say here, but I will just in case, that I am by no means racist to any colour, creed or religion coming to work in my country, I’m just against spongers who think its okay to come over, take handouts and not work for it.) It’s like, come over, we’ll take care of ya… don’t worry, dry your eyes! What one of our OWN born and bred? She’s moved back in with her parents and is under 25? Tell her to deal with it!! (I also think its different if people are fleeing their country because they were being threatened with death or something awful.. they are always welcome.. tho alot of them say they are when theyre not.)
So I was sitting there in the dole office looking at those glass booths. It looked just like prison. I wonder why those glass booths exist in the two most depressing places ever – prison and the dole office. Then again, they house the same sort of people usually.. the ones who are likely to deck a dole office worker for any particular reason they deem adequate.
So i’m sitting there, looking up at the white depressing clouds in the skylight.. well the skylight might be white im not sure, but everytime im in there its cloudy so who knows.. and then the worst thing that could possibly happen, happens…. Mary Black comes on the radio. Now if there is one song that is SURE to cheer up a dole office its this:

My heart is low.. my heart is sooo looow..
As only, a womans heart can beee….

I was like kill me now. Seriously. Anyway, I got up there eventually.. and was just sent off with a list of things to bring back. Including, of course, threat that they’ll be checking what my parents earn. Great – sounds like a speedy procedure. How about.. I get the job seekers allowance now when i need it, not in three months when i probably will have a job? Anyone for a government who isn’t ridiculous say Aye?!