Right On Queue
I was in the Permenant TSB today on Henry Street in Dublin, putting in my Euros for travelling. Stashing away the nuts for the big trip! I use Permenant TSB because it’s so crusty. They are too crusty and safe to gamble away my money like the more frivolous HALIFAX with whom I have now recieved many LETTERS from informing me that they are… ahem, closing, in June – a mere two years after they persuaded me to join. They also went mad at me when I left the country and stopped lodging money in, cos ‘we had an agreement’. I told them to leave me alone, we had no such agreement – and they did! They let me continue using the credit card though because as we now know, at the time they were like the Catholic church, desperate for new members and needed the bit of interest. Now I have been told to pay off my credit card by June or they will be taking action! Eh, whose fault is the closing down business – mine or yours Halifaxster? I will be able to pay it off but think of the people who are up to their eyes in debt and have lost their jobs! Anyway, this particular branch on Permo TSB is the slowest place in history and it’s also positioned in town where most of the crazy people go. You could lose the will to live in the line. Luckily for me Irish people know how to make queueing a fun sport. We standing there leaning against the wall – even standing is too much effort in that place, and Westlife comes on. I’m thinking: haven’t heard this song since I was about 14. It isn’t even a good one, it’s like one of their ‘from the dregs’ songs. The type they use to fill up an album. The type to grace a Permenant TSB mix tape ten years on. It’s like: “I maaade it obviouuuus…” Anyway this woman in front of me, she looks about in her forties, she starts to hum quietly. Anyway, next thing it was like chorus, new verse, chorus the humming is getting louder and then she just breaks into song. “I maaaade it obviooouuuus” I was trying not to look at her, thinking, all we need is Hot Chocolate to come on and we’re in a Sheffield dole queue, featuring in the film ”The Full Monty’.’
Luckily the song ends, we move forward and she gets a window. Guess what comes on next? “I heard it through the grape-viine’ And this man about three people down, in his 50’s, he doesn’t even bother with the humming and leading up to it – straight out he’s warbling away in his thick Dublin accent “I’m just about to loooose my
MI-IND!” At this point I was wondering if I had stumbled into the musical version of the Permenant TSB line. Luckily soon after that I got to a window. I was surprised the cashier didn’t start singing in my face “How-much-are-you-lodgin’ in? Is-it-enough- for-a-chip-an-pin?” But she didn’t. Hallelujah!!